Coming down the mountain

I can't even begin to pour out my heart because I know how emotional I am right now. I am so scared to write or journal because of how heavy it would be. I am weary and tired- but God is sustaining me....to go forth. My heart is not here at all. My heart is not here in New York. It is with my friends in China, it is with my summer teammates, oh how can i retrieve back my heart and continue to live joyously here and look forward to what is ahead.



I feel stuck. I wake up every morning and feel a sense of grief and loss....is this what dying to self means?