Today again- I shared with dear friends about my near death experience. I really do want to take this time to share about it.
It was a cold Monday night. I just finished attending one of the IV small groups that was focused on athletes. I was buying groceries from Morton Williams and while I was walking out and about to see if the bus was across the street- i saw the bus. I knew how irritating it is to wait for the m60....so i literally ran for the bus. Of course I looked around and there was no car. The stop light was red for me- but as again, didn't see any car- so I ran for the bus that was across the street. While I ran, I stopped. Just a second later- a very very fast NY taxi cab zoomed past me. I was a bit shocked. I got on the bus...
The next day I was going through the heaviness but I realized God was telling me- It is not my time yet....there are many things here to do on earth. I could have died that night or things would have majorly changed...but by the grace of God, i am living today.
My time on Earth is not done yet.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
A New Beginning I
When I was on the bus from Boston back to New York- I knew that God wanted me to give NYC a second chance. I specifically closed my eyes on the bus journey and prayed "Lord, show me why am i going back and impart your heart of the people in the city in me. Break my heart for what breaks yours in NYC. I need you to show me. Show me."
Being a student in NYC has always been challenging in balancing everything around. I wanted to excel in my school work- which I did. However, the community aspect kind of dwindled. I served as a volunteer staff/mentor at IVCF Columbia last year and it was challenging as there was a lot of freedom, but also amazing by how much the young ones blessed me. Student ministry was and is always up in the air for me. After being on staff this past summer on an amazing journey with college students all over US, I recognized the honor of seeing students being transformed and being used by God as a major player of that. I felt the Holy Spirit used me completely and every single second during my time on the project and every conversation, every relationship was intentional. Every teammate changed me and every local student changed me. My heart felt absolutely complete when I was in xj and when I left.....I knew that I had to live every day with some part of my heart in the desertlands.
When I came back to NYC, I wanted that intenseness. I want to live life by the edge. However, I choose to alienate and wanted to be in my xj kingdom dreamer bubble and dwell with my teammates forever. just like heaven, just like heaven. I struggled so much. I wanted to be used for His glory. I wanted to be with my family, my xj family. I left for Boston because my staff friend encouraged me to take that leap of faith. I got on the bus and then during the bus ride things happened. First, I sat behind a guy who worked at a prestigious foreign affairs magazine in NYC. He graduated from Columbia U journalism school and was himself a well traveled Indian guy. We had a great time chatting and talking to him reminded me of the insane amount of young adults and professionals that are in NYC. He expressed that no city is like NYC and i began to realize that too while the bus was driving away. I also got in touch with an organization that I have been waiting on since April that there is still the chance of me being hired and then also a text about housing working out in NYC.....why? why did this happen while i was on my way to Boston. I was getting ready to commit to serve Harvard's AACF for the year. so fed up with NYC and wanted to go to a place where I know I will be taken care of- free housing and ppl who i love. I headed to Boston a day before their leadership retreat in order to be there for their leadership retreat.....but after talking to people till 4 am in the morning, i decided that I am not ready to commit.
I took the next few days in Wellesley where I found myself strategically placed by God to be there. I sensed freedom and clarity there. The all girls environment helped, the Spirit filled room of my teammate helped and of course- the alone and quiet times where I got to process and remember with my dear sister helped. Most of all- the beautiful beautiful lake, trees and creation overload helped. I knew that it was time that I had to hear from God alone. I e-mailed just the people that have mentored me in the past and after getting the responses and praying and listening.....God told me, "Jalin, no matter if you choose Boston or New York, I am and will be proud of you." I almost wish that God said one of them....but God trusted me and gave the chance to make a decision. A big one. So, I decided on returning back to NYC. My heart struggled a lil bit, but I knew that was the right choice for this season. My mom said it well. She told me when I was in Boston that my family had faith in me that I can go through this phase of life that everyone has to go through- the whole trying to figure out life, job, apartment.....and she said that her and my dad have all gone through it and i can't avoid it all my life. I resonated with that. It broke my heart and made me sad that I had to leave my teammates in Boston in search of the unknown, going back to the valley- but I had faith that God was going to show me. faith is to believe in the unseen. i choose to believe in my time in new york was not done yet. I boarded the bus back to NYC with exhaustion and closed my eyes...
"Show me my purpose in NYC"
Since being back in NYC it can only be summarized as GOOD. yeah- times have been tough. I was again moving from place to place- from Brooklyn to East Harlem until I finally this past week moved to Harlem with 2 girls from church. Moving and hopping from place to place was no fun. But, I am so grateful to generous friends that have taken me under their shelter. Brooklyn I had my own room and then East Harlem I got to sleep on the comfy couch. She just gave me the spare key and told me I can come whenever I want. The roommates have been so nice in also welcoming me and taking care of me. House hunting was seriously a roller coaster journey....we probably ended up seeing 15-20 places and finally decided after a week and half on one of them. we prayed and looked and prayed....i was starting to despair but we had to hope- but anyways, we found this place and we all liked it. i was a bit skeptical about the small sized room- but now living in it, its great!!! i can fit pretty much most of my stuff....but it definitely is half the size of my room before. I need to start getting rid of stuff so I can do some simple living- but its amazing how much little things you accumulate
to be continued
Being a student in NYC has always been challenging in balancing everything around. I wanted to excel in my school work- which I did. However, the community aspect kind of dwindled. I served as a volunteer staff/mentor at IVCF Columbia last year and it was challenging as there was a lot of freedom, but also amazing by how much the young ones blessed me. Student ministry was and is always up in the air for me. After being on staff this past summer on an amazing journey with college students all over US, I recognized the honor of seeing students being transformed and being used by God as a major player of that. I felt the Holy Spirit used me completely and every single second during my time on the project and every conversation, every relationship was intentional. Every teammate changed me and every local student changed me. My heart felt absolutely complete when I was in xj and when I left.....I knew that I had to live every day with some part of my heart in the desertlands.
When I came back to NYC, I wanted that intenseness. I want to live life by the edge. However, I choose to alienate and wanted to be in my xj kingdom dreamer bubble and dwell with my teammates forever. just like heaven, just like heaven. I struggled so much. I wanted to be used for His glory. I wanted to be with my family, my xj family. I left for Boston because my staff friend encouraged me to take that leap of faith. I got on the bus and then during the bus ride things happened. First, I sat behind a guy who worked at a prestigious foreign affairs magazine in NYC. He graduated from Columbia U journalism school and was himself a well traveled Indian guy. We had a great time chatting and talking to him reminded me of the insane amount of young adults and professionals that are in NYC. He expressed that no city is like NYC and i began to realize that too while the bus was driving away. I also got in touch with an organization that I have been waiting on since April that there is still the chance of me being hired and then also a text about housing working out in NYC.....why? why did this happen while i was on my way to Boston. I was getting ready to commit to serve Harvard's AACF for the year. so fed up with NYC and wanted to go to a place where I know I will be taken care of- free housing and ppl who i love. I headed to Boston a day before their leadership retreat in order to be there for their leadership retreat.....but after talking to people till 4 am in the morning, i decided that I am not ready to commit.
I took the next few days in Wellesley where I found myself strategically placed by God to be there. I sensed freedom and clarity there. The all girls environment helped, the Spirit filled room of my teammate helped and of course- the alone and quiet times where I got to process and remember with my dear sister helped. Most of all- the beautiful beautiful lake, trees and creation overload helped. I knew that it was time that I had to hear from God alone. I e-mailed just the people that have mentored me in the past and after getting the responses and praying and listening.....God told me, "Jalin, no matter if you choose Boston or New York, I am and will be proud of you." I almost wish that God said one of them....but God trusted me and gave the chance to make a decision. A big one. So, I decided on returning back to NYC. My heart struggled a lil bit, but I knew that was the right choice for this season. My mom said it well. She told me when I was in Boston that my family had faith in me that I can go through this phase of life that everyone has to go through- the whole trying to figure out life, job, apartment.....and she said that her and my dad have all gone through it and i can't avoid it all my life. I resonated with that. It broke my heart and made me sad that I had to leave my teammates in Boston in search of the unknown, going back to the valley- but I had faith that God was going to show me. faith is to believe in the unseen. i choose to believe in my time in new york was not done yet. I boarded the bus back to NYC with exhaustion and closed my eyes...
"Show me my purpose in NYC"
Since being back in NYC it can only be summarized as GOOD. yeah- times have been tough. I was again moving from place to place- from Brooklyn to East Harlem until I finally this past week moved to Harlem with 2 girls from church. Moving and hopping from place to place was no fun. But, I am so grateful to generous friends that have taken me under their shelter. Brooklyn I had my own room and then East Harlem I got to sleep on the comfy couch. She just gave me the spare key and told me I can come whenever I want. The roommates have been so nice in also welcoming me and taking care of me. House hunting was seriously a roller coaster journey....we probably ended up seeing 15-20 places and finally decided after a week and half on one of them. we prayed and looked and prayed....i was starting to despair but we had to hope- but anyways, we found this place and we all liked it. i was a bit skeptical about the small sized room- but now living in it, its great!!! i can fit pretty much most of my stuff....but it definitely is half the size of my room before. I need to start getting rid of stuff so I can do some simple living- but its amazing how much little things you accumulate
to be continued
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