Harry

Today was a really emotional day at work. Everyday is pretty much an emotional day at work. I am a social worker in new york city. I work at an organization that is pretty well known for its community and family based approaches in counseling and casework. Sometimes I have to take a breath and realize where I am...what am I doing..who am I. I work with some really heavy cases and most of my cases are Chinese speaking families. Most of my Chinese families are undocumented immigrants who went through a really hard and harsh process to get to the US. All came to the US to seek for a better life. In reality, it is a lot more harder then they could have ever imagined.

There is this new book out called "Tiger Mom". I respect the book but the book is written from a very privileged background. The woman is a professor at Yale. The book is great but it is almost somewhat unreal for the community I serve. People are not forcing their children to practice for piano competitions. Most of my parents can't even afford anything other then basic needs and food. I can talk a whole night about this but I won't. Today I wanted to share about Harry (real name cannot be disclosed).

Harry is a 11 year old boy who is from Fuzhou, China. Harry came to the US a little more then a year ago. Harry was not born in the US but his parents left him with his grandparents in China and came to start a good life for Harry to come join them years later. Many Chinese families have such stories. Father came first and then mother came a few years later to the US. The week before Harry came to the US, he was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. The family was in shock but he still came all the way from China to the US- with nothing but a small suitcase and his new diagnosis.

When I first met Harry he was just sitting by the side of the bed in the bedroom, the only room the family rented from a house. The room had a big window that had big curtains on and just a simple dresser and a bed. Harry was quiet and did not talk much. Harry always had a little smile on his face. That was the first day when I started working with this family.

After a year of going to doctor visits and doing home visits with the family- on top of the other hardships the family had to go through with their younger son, who is completely blind and developmentally delayed. Harry always seemed to be observing the world go by and seemed to observe the hard realities of life around him. Harry had to be ok with his brother getting admitted to long term nursing facility where his parents never explained to him what happened. Harry had to be ok with his mother going back to China for almost 2 months and him staying with his aunt's family. Harry was use to silently observe the truths of the world but still continue to have a peaceful heart.

Today I had a session with Harry. Harry just recently got a spinal check and everything seems to be better. Harry came in and every time I see Harry, Harry seemed to be more and more opened to me- in sharing his thoughts and as always, honest. Harry came in and said that he is doing ok. I asked further and we got into some counseling moments. Harry shared about how he experienced pushing and bullying at school by children of other races. Harry mentioned that he chooses not to do anything and when he does tell the teacher, they do not do anything. This is so beyond frustrating to hear. Harry does not like to cause trouble. Harry then talked about how no one knows about his sickness in school and he would rather keep it that way or he is afraid that people will look at him differently. We started to explore what it means to be different. Harry shared that he thinks he is different, unique. Harry said, "sometimes I do not feel like I am here. I often feel like I am already dead and I am just floating in this world." I could not help but hold the tears in my eyes. He is only 11 years old...but the tremendous insight and expression...where did that come from? Harry then went on "I really want to create some wings, so I can fly. I often imagine that I am flying." We explored a bit about where he flies and when he flies. Again, still trying to keep the tears in my eyes and not let it flow. "Harry, you are different, unique. But your unique is a good kind of unique. I admire you because you have a lot of courage." I shared that with him today and we had a moment of silence.

This is Harry. Maybe next time we meet I can do some art therapy exercise in which we can draw those wings...those wings and imagine that we can fly.