Harry

Today was a really emotional day at work. Everyday is pretty much an emotional day at work. I am a social worker in new york city. I work at an organization that is pretty well known for its community and family based approaches in counseling and casework. Sometimes I have to take a breath and realize where I am...what am I doing..who am I. I work with some really heavy cases and most of my cases are Chinese speaking families. Most of my Chinese families are undocumented immigrants who went through a really hard and harsh process to get to the US. All came to the US to seek for a better life. In reality, it is a lot more harder then they could have ever imagined.

There is this new book out called "Tiger Mom". I respect the book but the book is written from a very privileged background. The woman is a professor at Yale. The book is great but it is almost somewhat unreal for the community I serve. People are not forcing their children to practice for piano competitions. Most of my parents can't even afford anything other then basic needs and food. I can talk a whole night about this but I won't. Today I wanted to share about Harry (real name cannot be disclosed).

Harry is a 11 year old boy who is from Fuzhou, China. Harry came to the US a little more then a year ago. Harry was not born in the US but his parents left him with his grandparents in China and came to start a good life for Harry to come join them years later. Many Chinese families have such stories. Father came first and then mother came a few years later to the US. The week before Harry came to the US, he was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. The family was in shock but he still came all the way from China to the US- with nothing but a small suitcase and his new diagnosis.

When I first met Harry he was just sitting by the side of the bed in the bedroom, the only room the family rented from a house. The room had a big window that had big curtains on and just a simple dresser and a bed. Harry was quiet and did not talk much. Harry always had a little smile on his face. That was the first day when I started working with this family.

After a year of going to doctor visits and doing home visits with the family- on top of the other hardships the family had to go through with their younger son, who is completely blind and developmentally delayed. Harry always seemed to be observing the world go by and seemed to observe the hard realities of life around him. Harry had to be ok with his brother getting admitted to long term nursing facility where his parents never explained to him what happened. Harry had to be ok with his mother going back to China for almost 2 months and him staying with his aunt's family. Harry was use to silently observe the truths of the world but still continue to have a peaceful heart.

Today I had a session with Harry. Harry just recently got a spinal check and everything seems to be better. Harry came in and every time I see Harry, Harry seemed to be more and more opened to me- in sharing his thoughts and as always, honest. Harry came in and said that he is doing ok. I asked further and we got into some counseling moments. Harry shared about how he experienced pushing and bullying at school by children of other races. Harry mentioned that he chooses not to do anything and when he does tell the teacher, they do not do anything. This is so beyond frustrating to hear. Harry does not like to cause trouble. Harry then talked about how no one knows about his sickness in school and he would rather keep it that way or he is afraid that people will look at him differently. We started to explore what it means to be different. Harry shared that he thinks he is different, unique. Harry said, "sometimes I do not feel like I am here. I often feel like I am already dead and I am just floating in this world." I could not help but hold the tears in my eyes. He is only 11 years old...but the tremendous insight and expression...where did that come from? Harry then went on "I really want to create some wings, so I can fly. I often imagine that I am flying." We explored a bit about where he flies and when he flies. Again, still trying to keep the tears in my eyes and not let it flow. "Harry, you are different, unique. But your unique is a good kind of unique. I admire you because you have a lot of courage." I shared that with him today and we had a moment of silence.

This is Harry. Maybe next time we meet I can do some art therapy exercise in which we can draw those wings...those wings and imagine that we can fly.

Spring forward

Wow!!! I have not written on this in so long. Thought it would be fun to start again as a way of processing my thoughts. I promise myself I need to be in bed soon at least every night by 11:30 pm I need to asleep so I can only write for 5 minutes. I am trying to get enough sleep because being a social worker requires a LOT of sleep so you can be prepped up for the next day. Also, social workers need a lot of GOD...encouragement, love, to keep on going. Praise God for an opportunity to speak into other people's lives. I have been in my job for almost 2 years and that for a 20 something is a big accomplishment! However, next step is definitely on my thoughts. I realized that in order to move forward, to pioneer...you have to learn how to let go of things that try to tear you down or keep you behind. I am starting to realize God's calling in having an apostolic giftings...the meaning. Thank you God that you still think I am worthy to be refined and worked on. So grateful for my wonderful family, amazing friends that God constantly reminds me that He is with me and He is in me. He dwells and lives.

Been thinking a lot about the Middle East and Japan...please keep them in your prayers!

Urbana 2009

breakthrough on its way.

I want to be a Mary in a Martha world

As I am at the Taiwan airport getting ready to leave home again for another journey back to New York- I can't help but say that God has shown me a lot in 2 weeks.

When I was trying to finish work back on Sept 9th and rushing to get home at 4:30- I called in the last minute to change my shuttle pick up time from 6:30 to hopefully 7:30. The lady was nice and she said there was a 7:00 pm pick up time available so I decided to go with that. While my roommate and my friend waved to me and gave me tremendous blessings as I hopped onto the shuttle bus, I heard a very gentle voice "hello!" I turned back and there were 2 guys sitting there. They were Asian. I was quite surprised because usually I go onto these shuttle buses or airplanes really just minding my own business 'cause afraid that people might think I am weird and also just too tired to talk as I am on "vacation" mode. But it turned out to be more then me... these 2 guys were National Taiwan University students who just finished their masters degree in USC. We all became friends since the first moment and they have come to pretty much every gathering that I have been going to since being back in Taiwan- now knowing all my friends here in Taipei- church or not. It is crazy. Both are definitely seekers and definitely openness. Having them connected with pastor KC and ENtaipei people was pretty cool....watching pastor KC talk to them, I really am amazed by God's divine appointment through all this. I almost was not going to be on that shuttle bus.....I called the shuttle bus at 5:00 to change... we all would have never met. Now some good Christians are connected with them and I really pray and look up to God that God loves people...

I think in the many lessons I have learned- I really have learned and also desire to be a Mary. I always thought that I was kind of like a Martha- but no, I AM a MARTHA. I live in NYC...which is SUPER DUPER Martha world.....i sometimes find myself crying because of doing this and that for what.... but now I know....i desire that inner quietness and peace...I want to lay my head at the feet of Jesus and be content. One of my mom's small group women after mediating a talk between me and my mom... woke up at 3 am to realize that she wanted to give a book to my mom about being still and hearing from God...but at the end it was for me. I am absolutely in awe to know that the Lord of creation is getting my tremendous attention just so I can come to His presence and spend time with Him. Me and my family got into a pretty intense conversation about China and just hta tmoment God brought 2 women from my mom's Bible study to come by to drop some gifts for me. While we were outside and I started to open up to share about what was going on....it started to drizzle... nobody knows this...but sometimes I see rain as a way of God letting me know "I AM RIGHT HERE".....I couldn't help but look up and be amazed that God is here....with me in this conversation and is with my family.

MARY MARY MARY. I want to be a Mary in a Martha world.

An encouragement :)

At church on Sunday while I was just minding my own business...one of the youth pastors whom I know came to me and said "it's good to see you today!" and I was surprised as I looked at him and he continued "I never know when God is going to whisk you away into missions"

that probably is the best affirmation encouragement i have heard since forever.
:)

thanks God!

Hosts and Guests

Today was one of those days that something just made me emotional... I was in training the whole day in midtown. While I was crossing the road to head to Borders to study for my licensing- I overheard a woman asking "excuse me, do you know the nearest supermarket?" I looked up from concentrating on my walking in the streets and this woman definitely was from the Middle East. She definitely looked like she was an auntie type and had her head covered- but not completely. I was just drawn to help her and I went up to her to let her know the nearest supermarket was on 2nd ave (we were on 1st ave). I walked alongside her and we had a conversation. She was a mother of 2 children, her son is a doctor at NYU and her daughter is also in NYC and just graduated from NYU. Her name was Fatimah. She was from Algeria. I got to share with her that I lived in Bahrain before and then she was telling me how she wanted her daughter to go to medical school in Sharjah. She gave me the most beautiful comment before we departed our ways "you are such a beautiful person and you are a whole person"- she kept on telling me that I should be a doctor and that I would make a wonderful doctor (but of course- i know that she probably is a fan of the profession because her son and daughter are both doctors). We parted with "God bless you" and "Ma'Salama" (goodbye). I was very very joyful that I got to meet Fatimah today.

Today during the women's bible study we were studying about Hosts and Guests.

TBC...

Surrender.

I surrendered someone really important to me this past Sunday. This person who has been in my mind for a couple of months already. I mean, this person has always been in my heart- but just recent few months much much more. I think I came to a point where I was like "enough is enough" to my own heart. I wait...I wait...but I think I am waiting for the wrong person, wrong time, wrong things....Anyways, its challenging as I keep on everyday giving it up to God....I know now the Holy Spirit has invaded and is taking over. When I start to wander....the Holy Spirit gives an alarm to my heart. Thank you God. Thank you Holy Spirit.

So, I surrender.