A New Beginning I

When I was on the bus from Boston back to New York- I knew that God wanted me to give NYC a second chance. I specifically closed my eyes on the bus journey and prayed "Lord, show me why am i going back and impart your heart of the people in the city in me. Break my heart for what breaks yours in NYC. I need you to show me. Show me."

Being a student in NYC has always been challenging in balancing everything around. I wanted to excel in my school work- which I did. However, the community aspect kind of dwindled. I served as a volunteer staff/mentor at IVCF Columbia last year and it was challenging as there was a lot of freedom, but also amazing by how much the young ones blessed me. Student ministry was and is always up in the air for me. After being on staff this past summer on an amazing journey with college students all over US, I recognized the honor of seeing students being transformed and being used by God as a major player of that. I felt the Holy Spirit used me completely and every single second during my time on the project and every conversation, every relationship was intentional. Every teammate changed me and every local student changed me. My heart felt absolutely complete when I was in xj and when I left.....I knew that I had to live every day with some part of my heart in the desertlands.

When I came back to NYC, I wanted that intenseness. I want to live life by the edge. However, I choose to alienate and wanted to be in my xj kingdom dreamer bubble and dwell with my teammates forever. just like heaven, just like heaven. I struggled so much. I wanted to be used for His glory. I wanted to be with my family, my xj family. I left for Boston because my staff friend encouraged me to take that leap of faith. I got on the bus and then during the bus ride things happened. First, I sat behind a guy who worked at a prestigious foreign affairs magazine in NYC. He graduated from Columbia U journalism school and was himself a well traveled Indian guy. We had a great time chatting and talking to him reminded me of the insane amount of young adults and professionals that are in NYC. He expressed that no city is like NYC and i began to realize that too while the bus was driving away. I also got in touch with an organization that I have been waiting on since April that there is still the chance of me being hired and then also a text about housing working out in NYC.....why? why did this happen while i was on my way to Boston. I was getting ready to commit to serve Harvard's AACF for the year. so fed up with NYC and wanted to go to a place where I know I will be taken care of- free housing and ppl who i love. I headed to Boston a day before their leadership retreat in order to be there for their leadership retreat.....but after talking to people till 4 am in the morning, i decided that I am not ready to commit.

I took the next few days in Wellesley where I found myself strategically placed by God to be there. I sensed freedom and clarity there. The all girls environment helped, the Spirit filled room of my teammate helped and of course- the alone and quiet times where I got to process and remember with my dear sister helped. Most of all- the beautiful beautiful lake, trees and creation overload helped. I knew that it was time that I had to hear from God alone. I e-mailed just the people that have mentored me in the past and after getting the responses and praying and listening.....God told me, "Jalin, no matter if you choose Boston or New York, I am and will be proud of you." I almost wish that God said one of them....but God trusted me and gave the chance to make a decision. A big one. So, I decided on returning back to NYC. My heart struggled a lil bit, but I knew that was the right choice for this season. My mom said it well. She told me when I was in Boston that my family had faith in me that I can go through this phase of life that everyone has to go through- the whole trying to figure out life, job, apartment.....and she said that her and my dad have all gone through it and i can't avoid it all my life. I resonated with that. It broke my heart and made me sad that I had to leave my teammates in Boston in search of the unknown, going back to the valley- but I had faith that God was going to show me. faith is to believe in the unseen. i choose to believe in my time in new york was not done yet. I boarded the bus back to NYC with exhaustion and closed my eyes...

"Show me my purpose in NYC"

Since being back in NYC it can only be summarized as GOOD. yeah- times have been tough. I was again moving from place to place- from Brooklyn to East Harlem until I finally this past week moved to Harlem with 2 girls from church. Moving and hopping from place to place was no fun. But, I am so grateful to generous friends that have taken me under their shelter. Brooklyn I had my own room and then East Harlem I got to sleep on the comfy couch. She just gave me the spare key and told me I can come whenever I want. The roommates have been so nice in also welcoming me and taking care of me. House hunting was seriously a roller coaster journey....we probably ended up seeing 15-20 places and finally decided after a week and half on one of them. we prayed and looked and prayed....i was starting to despair but we had to hope- but anyways, we found this place and we all liked it. i was a bit skeptical about the small sized room- but now living in it, its great!!! i can fit pretty much most of my stuff....but it definitely is half the size of my room before. I need to start getting rid of stuff so I can do some simple living- but its amazing how much little things you accumulate

to be continued

Even in the valley....He shall be with me.

So, after a very strange 3-4 weeks of trying to figure out life....finally....I am at a place where I can stand firm even in the deepness of the valley. Oh no doubt, I still wake up with a very fast heart beat and I can never sleep past 9:00 am.... but I know that God is going to be glorified today and this is a day to be rejoiced.

Even in the shadow of the valley
Even in the darkest hour
Even when my heart is shattered and weak
Even when my emotions overflow with despair and loneliness
I know you are with me

Father, will you hear my cry?

I came back from an amazing intense trip from West China. I went with pretty much 21 people I haven't really met- well, 2 of them I knew- but the others I didn't really know. I came back from a 6 week trip- heart broken yet completed, 21 new family kingdom dreamer family, golden relationships, the focus of community and calling towards XJ and China.

If you want to hear about it- email me! I would love to share more.

Anyways-after 3.5 weeks of discerning what i should do and going through post project depression, I am back!

Coming down the mountain

I can't even begin to pour out my heart because I know how emotional I am right now. I am so scared to write or journal because of how heavy it would be. I am weary and tired- but God is sustaining me....to go forth. My heart is not here at all. My heart is not here in New York. It is with my friends in China, it is with my summer teammates, oh how can i retrieve back my heart and continue to live joyously here and look forward to what is ahead.



I feel stuck. I wake up every morning and feel a sense of grief and loss....is this what dying to self means?

Spiritual Warfare, it is SOOO real.

Spiritual Warfare.

Now this is a topic that many people are not comfortable with. I really don't know why. Or they were not taught the concept- all they know is the do good Christian, Sunday Christian or the love/happy/peace Christian. NO, spiritual warfare is real and it is very much in the Bible. from the beginning till the end. Eph 6 that we are not fighting against flesh and blood but of those that dominate the air...spiritual warfare, man.

Today my mom shared with me some serious things that have been happening to her and then again it reminded me that prayer is absolutely crucial. even if life is going super duper good, pray. pray with all your heart and pray in the Spirit. It is God's grace and mercy to remind me through my mom about the importance of spiritual protection over family members, over household. Reminds me the class I took at church called "cleansing streams"- mannn....God is good and real. Thank God for Jesus.

Things have been quite amazing at home. My mom went to visit my aunt and her family (who are all Christian) in San Francisco and she came back completely changed. It was like crazy difference. There was joy and peace in herself when I saw her. She shared with me how God's presence was sooo at my aunt's household. She suggested that we start a family bible study every Saturday from now on (what a thing to praise God! God really loves our family!) so this past Saturday, I led the Bible Study on "Lordship" (straight from one on one book EN) and we had a 1.5 hour discussion- all of us got something out of it- my sister, asked really hard questions 'cause she is 8 and she doesn't know a lot of the Bible yet- but it was a good time where we concluded that we need to learn about Jesus as our LORD (over everything!!!)

So, this morning my mom got to share with me that she has been experiencing spiritual beings tangling her or haunting her. She keeps on thinking it is my grandpa who has passed away. But feeling suffocation during sleep, seeing headless figures, nightmares after nightmares....breaking down to tears and helplessness...I felt convicted in telling her- NO, whatever left that is doing such mean things to do or scarying you is not of good. So we talked for 2 hours on spiritual warfare. It ended with us praying together or me praying for her and for a cleansing of our household and my mom's heart....."Cleansing Streams" stuff came into play. I shared with my mom about Eph 6- and to tell her that small group, daily devotion is so important in puting the armour of GOd. And Praise God, my mom believed what I said and listened in and realized that IT IS IMPORTANT TO HAVE OTHERS TO FELLOWSHIP AND PRAY WITH/FOR.

We started to talk about the swimming pool at our complex. THe other day I went with my sister to go swimming. It was around 9 pm and no one was left except me and her and the lifeguard that goes off on his own world sometimes. I sensed darkness looming over while I swam to the darker end.....like something was gonna pop out in the water...i told myself "Jalin...you watch TOOO many scary movies" and in a hurry, got my sister and left the pool. When my mom told me today while she was sharing about last time she was swimming- she experienced something pinching her - i knew... something is not good that dwells in the swimming pool. hence, next time i am near that swimming pool- i'm gonna be praying in the Spirit...whatever it is....NEEDS to leave our community pool.

Anyways- i am SUPER convicted to be praying now....esp after such spiritual talks and prayers...ANd I know- there is deeper healing that is starting fully its works in my mom. Thank you Jesus

I strongly to encourage to pray for your family and household today.

For where the Spirit of the Lord is, THERE IS FREEDOM.

Prince Caspian

I went to the midnight showing of Prince Caspian- so pretty much the first person around the world to watch the new Narnia movie. I must say the movie was good- but not like super duper beyond my expectation- HOWEVER, the last few scenes really really took me. Especially when Lucy Edmund, Peter and Susan were going back to their world- the look on Aslan surprised me and immediatly shook me to tears- as Lucy looked at Aslan before going into the tree hole, Aslan looked at her with loving eyes, it was an expression that had so much meaning, he looked at her not wanting to her to go...like she is so precious that he doesn't want to lose the nearness of her- but he also gave a confidence and smile that was reassuring that he will see her someday soon. It is just such a strong metaphor of how God looks at us. I'm sure He truly truly wants to spend all the time with us, but he put us on Earth for this season (our life here on earth) for a reason- and just like Aslan in the movie, God also doesn't want to let go of his precious jewels, but he chooses to- for his timing is perfect- in the hope of seeing each other again soon....

Wow.

Here are the lyrics from the song at the end of the movie....Regina Spektor "the Call" i thought it was very very well chosen.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and now one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

the end is just the beginning....the journey continues.

I'm graduating! for the 3rd time....after senior year in high school, senior year in college, now a master degree student. I can't believe how time has flown. I look back and so much has happened and so much has changed. Everything around me changes constantly....and again i'm at the fork of transition. Today was my last day at World Vision as a policy intern. I cried....surprisingly i did. I'm gonna miss all the people so much. George and Tala, Josy (my mother figure at work), Monica (her passion for China), Cristina (Spirit filled sister), Paul (co-intern who really i enjoyed getting to know this year), Joe, and others... The precious people. The project I worked on- mental health needs of Palestinian children. I'm really proud of myself for reconstructing my thought process and writing skills from micro to macro scale. I'm really tired of writing papers 'cause the past 2 years especially this year- papers got harder and harder to write as the topic became harder.....I remember our first class at social work- we went around the room and were asked our goal, and i said "i want to be a better writer"- and i have achieved that after writing 20+ papers.

everything after graduation is still a bit up in the air. i know i need to go home at least for 3 weeks- i haven't seen my dad in 1.5 years and i really do miss being with my entire family- so i need to go back to Taiwan and regain strength from an exhausting school year. i need a job....i need a place to stay which i think is sorting itself out.....i need to go to China...which is all up in the air right now. but i trust in the Lord- despite how uncertain things are- the past 4-5 months i have learned that trusting in God's timing and truly believing that with all my heart. and wait upon the Lord in JOY and PEACE.

Can't believe another transition is waiting ahead. I'm not moving New YOrk yet- but i know the time is to be numbered. My heart is growing with the city but ultimately it is not here....i know that. so i guess prepare my heart for the little transition for the bigger transition that is lying ahead-

in prayer and fasting until God speaks