Monday, February 11, 2008
aspirations
I don't know why- lately I have been thinking A LOT about going to South America. My friend has shared with me her experience of traveling for 5 months under 5000 US dollars and she went to Argentina, Chile, Brazil, Peru, Mexico....and she stayed in hostels, sleeper buses and such....gosh, i just need a few months where i can do that. i guess i also keep on thinking about the Motorcycle Diaries of how Che Guevera did it too-
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I believe in a God who fulfills my deepest dreams and desires. I can say today that I truly believe that.
Today is my 25th birthday. Quarter of a century. Seriously....i feel kind of old. Today in class we were doing surveys- and when i got to the age catagory- i saw "18-25" and i realized that before i was in the middle and now i'm at the end of the age gap. It's slightly scary and frightening....but i guess the older you are the wise you get?! hahha.
Since the beginning people have been giving me so many great presents, whether its a card that was so loving or TONS of sweets (i can tell how much ppl love- the sweets that they have been buying me...hahhaa). Chocolate cheese cake, soft bake dark chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, white choclate cookies......mmmmmmm. i had 3-4 sugar rushes today....enough of that- but the best gift was what God gave me- last night, 3 of the other IV staff people got together and our get together turned into an intense healing prayer session for me.
in the words of my fair lady "by george- i think she's got it"
Since the beginning people have been giving me so many great presents, whether its a card that was so loving or TONS of sweets (i can tell how much ppl love- the sweets that they have been buying me...hahhaa). Chocolate cheese cake, soft bake dark chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, white choclate cookies......mmmmmmm. i had 3-4 sugar rushes today....enough of that- but the best gift was what God gave me- last night, 3 of the other IV staff people got together and our get together turned into an intense healing prayer session for me.
in the words of my fair lady "by george- i think she's got it"
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Praise God
Dearest friends,
today is a day to rejoice because my mom was baptized in Grace Baptist Church in Taiwan with 19 other men and women. seriously i have been crying the whole day. Its joyful tears and i definitely use tears as a way of expressing deep emotions :) Growing up, me and my mom fought a lot. My mom had a really tough emotional roller coaster life. She had violent mood swings and often time would get extremely angry with either me or my dad. She also hurt me many times in making me feel she didn't trust me and that i intentionally wanted to make her angry. I was so afraid to make her angry and i feared her so much. Then when i became a teenager- it became even worse because my mood swings became violent and the combo between me and my mom was pretty bad. I would cry often when talking to her because i felt accused, misunderstood and when we have arguments and i cry- she will leave me there without resolving our conflict. rejection abandonment over and over.
but praise God. I became a true believer of Jesus Christ in my sophomore year in college and God had big intentions for my family. during the last few years- there would be arguments and i would be so frustrated by my mom and myself. but overall- i will end up trusting and praying for my mom.
a few months ago- my mom called me to tell me that she is a believer who is seeking Jesus. It shocked me because while i was at home after college at Vanderbilt- i was waiting for God to show me the miracle. But it happened when i wasn't there, dad wasn't there, lulu wasn't there- while she was sleeping and she woke up feeling this emptiness and hurt- she took my sister to sunday school that day and immediately told my sister's sunday school teacher about it- she lived the past 50 years not knowing Christ, but she didn't want that to happen to the rest of her 50 years.
spending this past summer with my mom and sister was absolutely amazing. God redeemed so much so much. When we parted over the summer- I was not worried because I knew my mother was in good hands. My mom kept on pursuing God and she went to all the foundation classes in my church before baptism.
Today my mom is a Christian who is walking strong with the Lord. God is beyond amazing. And today onthe phone- my mom blessed me further with a confirmation from God of my calling for the Muslims.
She wrote me an e-mail to tell me the joyful news and to write her appreciation for me in her life. She wrote about how the pastor today prayed over the new Christians Psalm 51 and I use this psalm to remind you, my dear friends about how great God is and the newness of life He continuously brings. I pray that your family members who are not walking with the Lord yet will one day truly know the meaning of this Psalm and accept in joy of the new life that Jesus brings for He is the only one who does and will.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is [b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
today is a day to rejoice because my mom was baptized in Grace Baptist Church in Taiwan with 19 other men and women. seriously i have been crying the whole day. Its joyful tears and i definitely use tears as a way of expressing deep emotions :) Growing up, me and my mom fought a lot. My mom had a really tough emotional roller coaster life. She had violent mood swings and often time would get extremely angry with either me or my dad. She also hurt me many times in making me feel she didn't trust me and that i intentionally wanted to make her angry. I was so afraid to make her angry and i feared her so much. Then when i became a teenager- it became even worse because my mood swings became violent and the combo between me and my mom was pretty bad. I would cry often when talking to her because i felt accused, misunderstood and when we have arguments and i cry- she will leave me there without resolving our conflict. rejection abandonment over and over.
but praise God. I became a true believer of Jesus Christ in my sophomore year in college and God had big intentions for my family. during the last few years- there would be arguments and i would be so frustrated by my mom and myself. but overall- i will end up trusting and praying for my mom.
a few months ago- my mom called me to tell me that she is a believer who is seeking Jesus. It shocked me because while i was at home after college at Vanderbilt- i was waiting for God to show me the miracle. But it happened when i wasn't there, dad wasn't there, lulu wasn't there- while she was sleeping and she woke up feeling this emptiness and hurt- she took my sister to sunday school that day and immediately told my sister's sunday school teacher about it- she lived the past 50 years not knowing Christ, but she didn't want that to happen to the rest of her 50 years.
spending this past summer with my mom and sister was absolutely amazing. God redeemed so much so much. When we parted over the summer- I was not worried because I knew my mother was in good hands. My mom kept on pursuing God and she went to all the foundation classes in my church before baptism.
Today my mom is a Christian who is walking strong with the Lord. God is beyond amazing. And today onthe phone- my mom blessed me further with a confirmation from God of my calling for the Muslims.
She wrote me an e-mail to tell me the joyful news and to write her appreciation for me in her life. She wrote about how the pastor today prayed over the new Christians Psalm 51 and I use this psalm to remind you, my dear friends about how great God is and the newness of life He continuously brings. I pray that your family members who are not walking with the Lord yet will one day truly know the meaning of this Psalm and accept in joy of the new life that Jesus brings for He is the only one who does and will.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is [b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
a glimpse of heaven
Yes. I saw the glimpse of heaven.
this weekend I got the chance to go to a MBB convention in DC....it was sooooo beyond awesome. I got really emotional at the very end. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. It was beyond imagination to see people from various countries and backgrounds- Persian, Turkish, Egyptian, Uzbekistani, Indian, Sudanese, Italian, European, Chinese, and me. People were praying and worshiping in their own languages. It reminded me of the Book of Revelations. And I truly took heart of what Paul said- considering everything (power, money, high position, stable job) nothing in comparison with knowing Christ- experiencing that glimpse of heaven daily. It is so hard. Christy is right- just like the 3 disciples that saw Jesus got transfigured and rose into the heavens....they had to go down eventually back to the chaotic world. Wow- i hunger for these heavenly moments so much.
I got to meet some amazing people this weekend. Most of all, I heard so many incredible stories/testimonies of how God spoke. It involved dreams and visions and i'm amazed on how God speaks to a tribe in its own unique way. The stories and images and the time spent keeps on flowing in my head...wonderful wonderful stuff.
I saw what a man of God is like. God keeps on hinting to me what an amazing man of God should be- will go to the ends of the earth for God. has a servant's heart. dreams big and loves the lord with every single cell in him...and reaches out to the poor and the lost (physically, spiritually)...and filled with God's Spirit.
Where is God's glory? I keep on looking outside for it when God keeps on reminding me...there is much to do within my own surroundings.
this weekend I got the chance to go to a MBB convention in DC....it was sooooo beyond awesome. I got really emotional at the very end. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. It was beyond imagination to see people from various countries and backgrounds- Persian, Turkish, Egyptian, Uzbekistani, Indian, Sudanese, Italian, European, Chinese, and me. People were praying and worshiping in their own languages. It reminded me of the Book of Revelations. And I truly took heart of what Paul said- considering everything (power, money, high position, stable job) nothing in comparison with knowing Christ- experiencing that glimpse of heaven daily. It is so hard. Christy is right- just like the 3 disciples that saw Jesus got transfigured and rose into the heavens....they had to go down eventually back to the chaotic world. Wow- i hunger for these heavenly moments so much.
I got to meet some amazing people this weekend. Most of all, I heard so many incredible stories/testimonies of how God spoke. It involved dreams and visions and i'm amazed on how God speaks to a tribe in its own unique way. The stories and images and the time spent keeps on flowing in my head...wonderful wonderful stuff.
I saw what a man of God is like. God keeps on hinting to me what an amazing man of God should be- will go to the ends of the earth for God. has a servant's heart. dreams big and loves the lord with every single cell in him...and reaches out to the poor and the lost (physically, spiritually)...and filled with God's Spirit.
Where is God's glory? I keep on looking outside for it when God keeps on reminding me...there is much to do within my own surroundings.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The life of a volunteer staff- Chapter one...genesis.
Wonderful. Gosh. Now I know how awesome it is to be a staff worker or just a elder woman who can love on and encourage women who are younger. Yesterday I was hesitating if I should go to the IV ice cream social for the new freshmen- but was uber surprised of how fun it went. I was out from 9 pm till 2 am....it was crazy. Probably need to watch my sleep time boundaries but how fun and every conversation made me even more hyper! I got to have some real good conversations and even put in some prayer time with the women i met. Each one of them are so special and so opened and so excited about God's work in their lives and in their fellowship. Wonderful. I'm so blessed to be amongst them.
There is this other guy who is starting also and he is the guy volunteer staff and it was so fun- we pretended that we were freshman, then he pretended that he was an exchange student from Korea and then he just said he was a high school student. I totally will not be fooled because he looks older! :P but then we started to tell people we were brothers and sisters....all the undergrads were so fooled that they smiled and nodded but deep down wondered.."Seriously?" but me and Steve both had a good time.
AH! i so look forward in getting to grow with these young ones here in Columbia University. This is the moment I have been waiting for and God is so great. Praise you Lord!
There is this other guy who is starting also and he is the guy volunteer staff and it was so fun- we pretended that we were freshman, then he pretended that he was an exchange student from Korea and then he just said he was a high school student. I totally will not be fooled because he looks older! :P but then we started to tell people we were brothers and sisters....all the undergrads were so fooled that they smiled and nodded but deep down wondered.."Seriously?" but me and Steve both had a good time.
AH! i so look forward in getting to grow with these young ones here in Columbia University. This is the moment I have been waiting for and God is so great. Praise you Lord!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
New Semester coming up...SOON!
Rwar. here are my classes
Second year fieldwork- World Vision New York
International Social Welfare Services
Seminar on Social Policy Practice
Economics for International Affairs (with lab)
and one more class....either or
1) Program Evaluation
2) Economics and Education Development in the International arena
sounds intense....doesn't it :P
Second year fieldwork- World Vision New York
International Social Welfare Services
Seminar on Social Policy Practice
Economics for International Affairs (with lab)
and one more class....either or
1) Program Evaluation
2) Economics and Education Development in the International arena
sounds intense....doesn't it :P
Friday, August 24, 2007
Singlehood
Friends, it is so awesome to be single. I never thought about how great it is. I always wanted to be the one who had someone madly in love with me while I was madly in love with the person too....i think my singlehood has been greatly challenged due to a lot of my friends have started to date or gotten serious or even married. First thing that comes to my mind is- heck, why her? why not me? I have everything in me that is so great too! But God has been teaching me and giving me a lot of peace about being single for this season. I have been growing more and more intimate in knowing about God. That is what I've always wanted.
I'm not ready to settle. The uncomforting and lonely feeling has been surpassed by God's warmth and comfort. He daily reminds me of His promises and His passion for what I can do as a single woman in New York at this time. I will never want to settle because of a guy, money or power. Good house, good stable job, stable income, nice family life- sounds all so appealing and great. People all want that and they've been driven by their parents, society to do so. Somehow that stability disturbs me. I don't want to be one of those people who settles and gets married and stays somewhere forever till her children are grown and then start her life. Nothing wrong with that- but i don't know....maybe i'm thinking too ahead of myself. I want my kids to grow up as missionaries or have mission mindsets. I want them to be culturally compotent. I want them to LIVE life through stories and stories and stories of their interactions with people all over. Heavenly father has blessed me with that opportunity.
No wonder I haven't really found anyone great in New York- many people here and Christians are just looking for the whole "settling" mindset. I am not. I am radical. yes indeed. I am running towards God's calling and the man of God either run with me or be opened in running....hahaha. so much for metaphors.
i'm not ready to settle yet.
I'm not ready to settle. The uncomforting and lonely feeling has been surpassed by God's warmth and comfort. He daily reminds me of His promises and His passion for what I can do as a single woman in New York at this time. I will never want to settle because of a guy, money or power. Good house, good stable job, stable income, nice family life- sounds all so appealing and great. People all want that and they've been driven by their parents, society to do so. Somehow that stability disturbs me. I don't want to be one of those people who settles and gets married and stays somewhere forever till her children are grown and then start her life. Nothing wrong with that- but i don't know....maybe i'm thinking too ahead of myself. I want my kids to grow up as missionaries or have mission mindsets. I want them to be culturally compotent. I want them to LIVE life through stories and stories and stories of their interactions with people all over. Heavenly father has blessed me with that opportunity.
No wonder I haven't really found anyone great in New York- many people here and Christians are just looking for the whole "settling" mindset. I am not. I am radical. yes indeed. I am running towards God's calling and the man of God either run with me or be opened in running....hahaha. so much for metaphors.
i'm not ready to settle yet.
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