Calling.

One violin artist at church one time in new york told me " some people have a burden for China, but you my dear, you have a calling."

What is that calling? I am almost 25 years old and i'm still confused about what i want in life. Here are some big goals
- I want to glorify God
- I want to be able to use my gifts that He has equipped me
- I want to be good at my job, but also enjoy the learning and hard times
- I want to honor my parents for giving me such great education and loan-free life.

what is it?
I am currently a social work student at a really good school and never ever have i felt this insecure before. I remember the whole first year grad school was multiple questioning about what i'm doing. is it right? is it really worth me putting so much money in? People always say "hahah- you are not in it for the money" its true...but what if i really do want to earn money to support myself, my sister, my parents? and one day be able to support a foundation that can go to remote areas....and really oversee and look and fund people?

Yes- I'm Isaiah 6- Dear Lord, send me. I'm defintiely a person that wants to go more then stay. BUT- maybe i'm wrong. maybe its because i have been sheltered for a long time and finally after being on my own for the first time in China- the passion i had was the first thing i wanted to pursue. However, i know that passion i have for China is not just a first time thingy- it stays. it aches. but what can i do to go back? I have been having so much fun doing ministry work in Taiwan- esp with the young high school teenagers. I look forward to the learning and experiences i shall have with InterVarsity for 07/09 as volunteer staff. I need more training in managing time while also be able to selectively spend quality time with girls. i enjoy one on one conversations more nowadays. There is more opportunity to be vulnerable and share.

So i have come up with some options for what i should be doing
- finish my second year in social work
- find a job that is NGO or profit or hospital (but i prefere the first 2 and NO nonprofits...i really don't get them)
- Go back to school? apply for scholarships because dad will not pay for this one. thought about international development, NGO administration, even thought about starting a whole new career- since i like creativity- thought about MBA in marketing/advertising, urban planning, architect, international human rights lawyer, development economist, professor and of course- EVEN....even the idea of going back to medical school.
- forget abo9ut all the above and just go to China....become a long term full time language student and immerse into the local culture. ...

What is it God? .....I pray for an answer!

Kending....paradise of Taiwan

I always hear from others about how awesome Kending is. For those who don't know- Kending is the most southern part of Taiwan. It is known for the amazing beaches and coastline and the sunny weather- kind of like San Diegoish. Never did I know how amazing it really is.....I was very hesitant in going- because i was going to go with a bunch of people who most i didn't know or just met a few weeks ago....but it was fun. pretty healing. Some of the things I did this weekend
- watch "Night in the Museum" on the 5 star bus down from Taipei to Kaoshung. oh yeah- the bus departed at 5:00 am....
- shared about XJ to ppl on the bus and Rachel...i think i got Rachel and Joseph hooked...
- Was in the Bai Sha Wan (white sands)'s water for 4 hours....i kept on asking Luke "Luke, where's the waves?" :D diving into waves was absolutely awesome.
- Rode behind a scooter around the southern tip. Joseph is a good driver
- shoot firecrackers into the beach. at first it was kind of scary, but then me and rachel became addicted
- Slept on the floor at the hostel that reminded me of the China days with Rachel. We froze in the night.....barely got sleep and was afraid of roaches....hahah.
- Sea water remained in my hair for 2 days and 2 nights...
- Pineapple, Mango, Apple smoothie...yum.
- Me and Luke bottoms up with spoonfulls of green curry
- Rachel and me on the donut jet ski ride. it was amazing because we sat on a donut shaped floating balloon and the jet ski driver drove full speed and dragged us onto the sea.....he definitely made sure he did sharp edges...it was high.
- Meeting Joseph's brother who works at a very popular Italian restaurant. He was really nice!
- Love river talks
- The balloon artist guy and my penguin balloon
- talks late night :D

what a great trip. great friends, great memories, great food, great tan ^^, great ocean, great convos...yeah.

Its not always rosy and sparkly...sometimes life is tough. deal with it!

I can't help but feeling weird lately. It could be due to the prolonged PMSing....or it could just be the fact that i'm leaving the beautiful island of Taiwan in 2 weeks and back to realistic fast pace new york or it could be that i'm having my future blues again....I actually don't understand why it happens to me so much (of course, i mean the last option)

Do you ever have conversations with people and you expect them to care a lot and talk more and just hang on with you during these bad and awkward moments- but they don't? They just keep on doing whatever they were doing before and just breeze through you with a general comment such as "don't worry...everything is going to be alright." or "God is in control"

I know that everything is going to be alright and that God uses those moments to reach/refine us- but can we really sometimes just sit there and listen to someone and sort out what they are saying and helping them step by step instead of saying things so general. I think I have become "less" general and more specific in things. Well, maybe i pick and choose. Not all topics are needed to be specific and not all topics are needed to be general. But when someone seems to be down, if i have the time, i would totally take the person out and just sit with them, sort through the ideas one by one. most of all- LISTEN. listen with the heart instead of the brian. be empathic and loving and TAKE the time (again- if you have THE time). While i write this, I have to be more like this too- to those around me. I have been feeling funky this week- and sometimes when you are the only one feeling weird and funky, not everyone can understand your level. and yes- sometimes you just have to run to God and ask that He be your listener. He is a pretty good listener.

I recently started to read a book a friend gave me called "Praying God's Words" by Beth Moore- the book goes through spiritual strongholds and each stronghold there are 5-8 pages of verses and prayers written out for ppl to say it out loud and break free from strongholds. I find it useful. Lately I have been king of overwhelmed by how much stuff i have in me- that needs to be prayed out.

I have so many dreams....I don't know if social work is a career i want to go on- but for now i want to do something powerful and useful. I'm not saying that social work is not- but i see some areas where there is a bigger need in ppl. International development has always been in my mind- but recently more has been developmental economics or even developmental sociology, race and ethnicity and such. Thats not it- realistically, i always thought about going into marketing- specifically advertising because i like being creative.....oh God, what should i do.....

My mother and i

God really has blessed my relationship with my mother. We’ve had our rough times over the years- especially last year when I came home after being away from family for 4 years. There were a lot of conflicts, fights, and communication problems between my mother and me. So many times the conversation ended with raised voices and tears (well, tears for my part). I consistently lifted my feelings towards my mother to God- telling him that I do not like her at that moment- but I would ask God to give me a loving heart to love her. There were many reconciliation moments during our year together.

Now, my mom is getting ready to attend new believers class (8 classes) and is getting ready to be baptized in my home church in Taiwan in October. I remember back in 2003 when I first became Christian- I thought to myself- its going to take a lot for my mom to confess that Jesus is her personal savior. However, it takes God to break the hardest hearts and Abba did it for my mother- and continuously is breaking her. She still has a lot of past issues that she is not letting go- but praise God that she is opened in receiving His grace. We’ve had some really good conversations since I came back. Conversations that have been opened and blessed by God.


The first time I heard my mom say grace before a meal, I couldn’t help but feel emotional. From the words and tone she used, I could tell that she has waited for this moment for a long time- and finally her heart is found.

Rain Rain...Go away...Come again another day.

Its raining cats and dogs in Taiwan right now. Its been raining since Tuesday....non-stop. Its not like those drizzly rain. Its been pouring and pouring. It stops and then starts pouring randomly- its the monsoon season....usually it hits in April but this year it is specially later...the whole global warming is really affecting the whole weather globally as we have been having unusual warm winters or extremely cold winters...whatever it is...we need to start protecting our environment more. We can start that by sorting out our garbage!

Today was another night at Friday Night Live. Today we talked about the parable of the weeds. I got to translate a lot more today for the bible study group. Since today we only had 2 teachers and 3 assistants- the high school group was split into the girls group and the boys group. the girls group was about 20-30 ppl....yeah...it was pretty crazy. but i got to know more girls today- it is overwhelming because you cannot divide your attention to too many ppl, but you try your best. Helen (from june 1st entry) and I had a pretty decent conversation today. When I saw Helen today I gave her a warm hi. I think Helen is not one of those girls who is use to physical affection. She is a bit more shy. I don't know- God really put her in my heart since last time so i was really excited to see her today. So, after bible study, some girls came to talk to me but i was busy trying to close the convo in order to find Helen so i can get her contact info- but she got me before i got her! So after that she told me about her not doing too well on math in school. I told her i will pray for her. She sounded hesitant and was still very concerned about how bad she is doing- then i told her about a verse that someone once gave me when i was stressed out about school (thanks BEN!)- Philippians 4:6-7 and she jotted every word down in her parable book and was opened about reading about it when she felt anxious (she said she always felt anxious!!) I observed her today (i don't usually observe ppl) and it was awesome how she seemed to have lightened up a lot- getting to know high school girls and when we said goodbye today, she smiled at me and i told her- Jia Yo! (add oil, or Be well!) and she said nodded and said "em!" :) cute

I also had a good time with Cynthia and Vicky today- we had ice cream by Tpe Main Station. I've decided to host these girls for their stay in new york- they all just graduated from high school- so its important for someone to take care of them. Cynthia is very mature for her age. we talked about the future, new york and Christianity. She seems very opened in learning about God- but she mentioned a very important point about how it is hard sometimes for Chinese people to completely abandon their roots of ancestral worshipping as it is so much of the Chinese culture. I understand what she is saying- i told her that i realize it is hard also. I pay respects to my ancestors and my grandparents who have passed away- but i don't worship. worship and paying respects are 2 very different things. Anyways- wish i could have talked to Cynthia more about this- but I look forward in getting to know her more.

All these friendships are just blooming. God seriously has blessed me with new friends- Christian or not- Rachel, Gabe, Joseph, Jessica, Ashley, April, Sabrina, Phil, Alby, Nic, Brenda, Mike, Veina, Helen, Jean, Cynthia and Vicky, Jason and all the other high school students I met along the way. Only less then a month left...i am actually scared of leaving now....this beautiful chapter that God has given me.

Disappointment. Frustration.

I am kind of angry/disappointed/frustrated. Sometimes I think I am USED by my friends. I am not going to name the specific names- but i do wonder am I thinking too much? Some friends give me this funky vibe....and eventually- I do get hurt because I want to be great friends with everyone. However, I had a real good talk with my mom last night and I realized that in this world- there are going to be those who treat you differently then their other friends. Whether because they resent you, are jealous of you, dislike your personality, think you are not worthy, or just personality clash- whatever it is.....and it hurts me that sometimes people treat me differently....but i realized that there are two sides to this. its not my personality problem because i am who i am. but i shouldn't put unhealthy expectations on people. Again- i am reminded that today by some people.....ironically not in Taiwan, but back in New York- where i'm far away from.

Now i know.

That's what i'm talking about...!

Wow. Tonight Friday Night Live was AWESOME!!! So, Friday Night Live is definitely a present from God for me in Taiwan. In the previous months I was always wondering why is it so hard to get an internship or a job- therefore, with a slightly defeated attitude in searching- i went back home in search for long needed rest and also just what to do next. In those anxious moments of impatience and waiting- God knew exactly my next steps- why i needed to go home to Taiwan and all for His kingdom.

So it all started up with me getting a phone call a few weeks ago from my old preschool. They knew i was back since i paid a visit to them a day before the phone call. the phone call was at 8:00 in the morning. Yes! i was awake by then because i usually take my sister everyday to school around 7:30 am!!! i know....and i'm on vacation?!?! hahaha. but that day one of the Foreign teachers, Lisa, was sick and she needed a sub for her level three preschool class. So, of course- wanting money- i took the job and she assured me that her level 3 class- 8 kids- was gonna be a piece of cake to sub. It did turn out to be awesome!! i had a lot of fun with the kids- and they were so cute! they were teaching me what to do and what their usual routines is and they even showed me their graduation show dance- which is THRILLER!!!! can you believe it- 8 five year olds will be dancing to thriller- so awesome. Anyways- the point is that that day when i was in the teacher's lounge getting prepped by Mike- i met Rachel. what a God sent!! I first found out she was from Nashville, TN! :D Southern pride. and then from the way she was talking- it sounded familiar. in my mind i was like- this girl, she has to be an evangelical Christian with a mission purpose here in Taiwan...and it turned out exactly what i was thinking!!!! even though we just met that day- we bonded like crazy. Both crazy about spreading the Gospel for Jesus. We shared testimonies that day and we just talked for quite a long time. Most of all- she told me about this group she was involved with on Friday nights. She told me that she was an English teacher for this Friday night event for high school girls- i was curious.

I love Taiwan- but I guess I never really felt strongly attached to wanting to evangelize at home. Home is home. Home is where i can just rest. Anyways- so with curiousity and also by the Holy Spirit and also after meeting Rachel once- i ended up going with Rachel that week to Friday Night Live. I had no idea it was hosted by Studio Classroom- which is a very well known, good reputation, popular magazine/radio station/TV show in Taiwan. They mainly teach ppl about English and English convo. I have heard that they are a Christian organization a long time ago. So i went in faith and just really wanting to know what/how God is working in Taiwan. MAAANNN- i was so amazed by what I saw and heard. There were SOOOO many ppl there. The place was packed and they started the night with worship. People were all singing to the worship songs (with movements) and it was really friendly. After praise and worship- it was time to split into groups. I naturally went with Rachel to the high school group- which was notoriously known as the roudy group with many teachers and students. We took up the whole basement and after an ice breaker- we all broke into smaller groups. That night I remember the topic was "people pleaser" which is such a huge thing in my life. I remember meeting a lot of girls that night and really loving my conversation with them. They were so friendly, opened and wanting to know more about me as i wanted to knwo about them. God stirred my heart that night. I guess i was just bewildered about how opened evangelism was in Taiwan - in comparision to certain other countries. After that- ive been going regularly and developing friendships with the High school girls

So tonight was pretty awesome because of MANY reasons- (here is the summarization person in me...)
1) Columbia friends- Alby, his brother, and Nic came out tonight. It was awesome to have them. So random though- i Only met Alby once also randomly at a party and the other two i met tonight. It was awesome getting to know/speak more with Alby and also to see how they all hit it off with the Taiwanese high school community. They ppl all lloved them and they loved all of them- it was so awesome to see that God was soooooo in works. I can't wait to see Nic being more involved with the group during his summer here in Taiwan!

2) Today we were talking about the parables of the sower from Matthew. Later on we split into 3 per group. My group extended into 5 ppl- but it was awesome because it was so divine. This girl named Helen who wore a green uniform (the best girl's high school in taiwan) sat with my best friend from elementary school - 2 of them with me formed a group. we started discussing what type of soil we were. My best friend was very honest in sharing that she is still searching and waiting for that moment ot happen. She was so opened and vulnerable when she was speaking. She is also opened in her heart as she wants to know God! this is my best friend since elementary school!!!! i need to pray for her :) Then Helen shared that she thought the Bible and the stories were fairytales- they could not be true. Then i started to share my part of where i think i am. I then began to tell Helen that i use to be that way- i use to tell myself that God is not real. If he is real, he would show me- that kind of challenge. But i was running out of time and I told them, well, if you want to hear my story, come find me after study!! so after study Helen faithfully came and approached me and Wendy happened to be next to me and I shared my complete testimony wtih them both. In the end, Helen looked intently and i could see God stirring in her something. My friend Wendy was already in goose bumps and really showed true enjoyment in hearing the story. Helen on the other hand told me how she hears a lot of these stories- but its not hers and she does not feel personal or passionate about it. However, God wanted me to tell her that Helen will have her own story and He is already writing it now and it will be something extraordinary and only designed for Helen. we all have our own stories and how God showed us His existance and love. Anyways- praise God!!!!!! He brings people to hear His story! I just need to pray more for these two women!

Anyways- that was a lot! :) but i wanted to jot it down before i forgot!!!
Praise God- this sorta stuff makes me so hyper! :)