Withdrawal

My stage really sucks. I just realized that i'm not very happy and then i don't know... every time conversations with friends - something happens. So, i was gone for 2 months. A lot happened with me- I develop new meaningful friendships, spent time with family and most of all- started to think about my future (since i got time). But i realized that I wasn't the only one doing that. Everyone- I MEAN...literally EVERYONE i know in new york city has moved on exponentially in their own ways. I come back and people are happy to see me- but they are so involved with their current fast paced life that my return and my stories does not really mean much to them- or they don't have time. They have found substitutes and other new friends and deeper relationships and being back.... its a feeling of alone. i just realized that I might have too high expectations. Unlike last time where I had a team with me that was all going through withdrawal....i'm alone this time. Of course- I know that God is with me and all that- but my lack of community in New York does not help. Ironically its the new friendships that are so less hurtful- I got to spend time with Albert- who i have only met twice and we had a lot of fun today- eating, walking, reading, talking...it was so nice. I guess a lot has to do the fact that he actually was in Taiwan a month ago and we hung out there- i felt new and fresh. On the other hand, its the relationships that i have had in the past year or two that is most hurtful to me. I hoped they would be more understanding and wanting to spend time with me....but everyone is busy. I will be busy soon too- when i start to work. People ALways say i have a lot of friends....but to be honest...i'm starting to doubt the meaningful relationships- i don't really have much of those. There is a fear that I might end up alone.....and left behind....just like that song i wrote.