Today is my 25th birthday. Quarter of a century. Seriously....i feel kind of old. Today in class we were doing surveys- and when i got to the age catagory- i saw "18-25" and i realized that before i was in the middle and now i'm at the end of the age gap. It's slightly scary and frightening....but i guess the older you are the wise you get?! hahha.
Since the beginning people have been giving me so many great presents, whether its a card that was so loving or TONS of sweets (i can tell how much ppl love- the sweets that they have been buying me...hahhaa). Chocolate cheese cake, soft bake dark chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, white choclate cookies......mmmmmmm. i had 3-4 sugar rushes today....enough of that- but the best gift was what God gave me- last night, 3 of the other IV staff people got together and our get together turned into an intense healing prayer session for me.
in the words of my fair lady "by george- i think she's got it"
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Praise God
Dearest friends,
today is a day to rejoice because my mom was baptized in Grace Baptist Church in Taiwan with 19 other men and women. seriously i have been crying the whole day. Its joyful tears and i definitely use tears as a way of expressing deep emotions :) Growing up, me and my mom fought a lot. My mom had a really tough emotional roller coaster life. She had violent mood swings and often time would get extremely angry with either me or my dad. She also hurt me many times in making me feel she didn't trust me and that i intentionally wanted to make her angry. I was so afraid to make her angry and i feared her so much. Then when i became a teenager- it became even worse because my mood swings became violent and the combo between me and my mom was pretty bad. I would cry often when talking to her because i felt accused, misunderstood and when we have arguments and i cry- she will leave me there without resolving our conflict. rejection abandonment over and over.
but praise God. I became a true believer of Jesus Christ in my sophomore year in college and God had big intentions for my family. during the last few years- there would be arguments and i would be so frustrated by my mom and myself. but overall- i will end up trusting and praying for my mom.
a few months ago- my mom called me to tell me that she is a believer who is seeking Jesus. It shocked me because while i was at home after college at Vanderbilt- i was waiting for God to show me the miracle. But it happened when i wasn't there, dad wasn't there, lulu wasn't there- while she was sleeping and she woke up feeling this emptiness and hurt- she took my sister to sunday school that day and immediately told my sister's sunday school teacher about it- she lived the past 50 years not knowing Christ, but she didn't want that to happen to the rest of her 50 years.
spending this past summer with my mom and sister was absolutely amazing. God redeemed so much so much. When we parted over the summer- I was not worried because I knew my mother was in good hands. My mom kept on pursuing God and she went to all the foundation classes in my church before baptism.
Today my mom is a Christian who is walking strong with the Lord. God is beyond amazing. And today onthe phone- my mom blessed me further with a confirmation from God of my calling for the Muslims.
She wrote me an e-mail to tell me the joyful news and to write her appreciation for me in her life. She wrote about how the pastor today prayed over the new Christians Psalm 51 and I use this psalm to remind you, my dear friends about how great God is and the newness of life He continuously brings. I pray that your family members who are not walking with the Lord yet will one day truly know the meaning of this Psalm and accept in joy of the new life that Jesus brings for He is the only one who does and will.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is [b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
today is a day to rejoice because my mom was baptized in Grace Baptist Church in Taiwan with 19 other men and women. seriously i have been crying the whole day. Its joyful tears and i definitely use tears as a way of expressing deep emotions :) Growing up, me and my mom fought a lot. My mom had a really tough emotional roller coaster life. She had violent mood swings and often time would get extremely angry with either me or my dad. She also hurt me many times in making me feel she didn't trust me and that i intentionally wanted to make her angry. I was so afraid to make her angry and i feared her so much. Then when i became a teenager- it became even worse because my mood swings became violent and the combo between me and my mom was pretty bad. I would cry often when talking to her because i felt accused, misunderstood and when we have arguments and i cry- she will leave me there without resolving our conflict. rejection abandonment over and over.
but praise God. I became a true believer of Jesus Christ in my sophomore year in college and God had big intentions for my family. during the last few years- there would be arguments and i would be so frustrated by my mom and myself. but overall- i will end up trusting and praying for my mom.
a few months ago- my mom called me to tell me that she is a believer who is seeking Jesus. It shocked me because while i was at home after college at Vanderbilt- i was waiting for God to show me the miracle. But it happened when i wasn't there, dad wasn't there, lulu wasn't there- while she was sleeping and she woke up feeling this emptiness and hurt- she took my sister to sunday school that day and immediately told my sister's sunday school teacher about it- she lived the past 50 years not knowing Christ, but she didn't want that to happen to the rest of her 50 years.
spending this past summer with my mom and sister was absolutely amazing. God redeemed so much so much. When we parted over the summer- I was not worried because I knew my mother was in good hands. My mom kept on pursuing God and she went to all the foundation classes in my church before baptism.
Today my mom is a Christian who is walking strong with the Lord. God is beyond amazing. And today onthe phone- my mom blessed me further with a confirmation from God of my calling for the Muslims.
She wrote me an e-mail to tell me the joyful news and to write her appreciation for me in her life. She wrote about how the pastor today prayed over the new Christians Psalm 51 and I use this psalm to remind you, my dear friends about how great God is and the newness of life He continuously brings. I pray that your family members who are not walking with the Lord yet will one day truly know the meaning of this Psalm and accept in joy of the new life that Jesus brings for He is the only one who does and will.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is [b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
a glimpse of heaven
Yes. I saw the glimpse of heaven.
this weekend I got the chance to go to a MBB convention in DC....it was sooooo beyond awesome. I got really emotional at the very end. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. It was beyond imagination to see people from various countries and backgrounds- Persian, Turkish, Egyptian, Uzbekistani, Indian, Sudanese, Italian, European, Chinese, and me. People were praying and worshiping in their own languages. It reminded me of the Book of Revelations. And I truly took heart of what Paul said- considering everything (power, money, high position, stable job) nothing in comparison with knowing Christ- experiencing that glimpse of heaven daily. It is so hard. Christy is right- just like the 3 disciples that saw Jesus got transfigured and rose into the heavens....they had to go down eventually back to the chaotic world. Wow- i hunger for these heavenly moments so much.
I got to meet some amazing people this weekend. Most of all, I heard so many incredible stories/testimonies of how God spoke. It involved dreams and visions and i'm amazed on how God speaks to a tribe in its own unique way. The stories and images and the time spent keeps on flowing in my head...wonderful wonderful stuff.
I saw what a man of God is like. God keeps on hinting to me what an amazing man of God should be- will go to the ends of the earth for God. has a servant's heart. dreams big and loves the lord with every single cell in him...and reaches out to the poor and the lost (physically, spiritually)...and filled with God's Spirit.
Where is God's glory? I keep on looking outside for it when God keeps on reminding me...there is much to do within my own surroundings.
this weekend I got the chance to go to a MBB convention in DC....it was sooooo beyond awesome. I got really emotional at the very end. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. It was beyond imagination to see people from various countries and backgrounds- Persian, Turkish, Egyptian, Uzbekistani, Indian, Sudanese, Italian, European, Chinese, and me. People were praying and worshiping in their own languages. It reminded me of the Book of Revelations. And I truly took heart of what Paul said- considering everything (power, money, high position, stable job) nothing in comparison with knowing Christ- experiencing that glimpse of heaven daily. It is so hard. Christy is right- just like the 3 disciples that saw Jesus got transfigured and rose into the heavens....they had to go down eventually back to the chaotic world. Wow- i hunger for these heavenly moments so much.
I got to meet some amazing people this weekend. Most of all, I heard so many incredible stories/testimonies of how God spoke. It involved dreams and visions and i'm amazed on how God speaks to a tribe in its own unique way. The stories and images and the time spent keeps on flowing in my head...wonderful wonderful stuff.
I saw what a man of God is like. God keeps on hinting to me what an amazing man of God should be- will go to the ends of the earth for God. has a servant's heart. dreams big and loves the lord with every single cell in him...and reaches out to the poor and the lost (physically, spiritually)...and filled with God's Spirit.
Where is God's glory? I keep on looking outside for it when God keeps on reminding me...there is much to do within my own surroundings.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The life of a volunteer staff- Chapter one...genesis.
Wonderful. Gosh. Now I know how awesome it is to be a staff worker or just a elder woman who can love on and encourage women who are younger. Yesterday I was hesitating if I should go to the IV ice cream social for the new freshmen- but was uber surprised of how fun it went. I was out from 9 pm till 2 am....it was crazy. Probably need to watch my sleep time boundaries but how fun and every conversation made me even more hyper! I got to have some real good conversations and even put in some prayer time with the women i met. Each one of them are so special and so opened and so excited about God's work in their lives and in their fellowship. Wonderful. I'm so blessed to be amongst them.
There is this other guy who is starting also and he is the guy volunteer staff and it was so fun- we pretended that we were freshman, then he pretended that he was an exchange student from Korea and then he just said he was a high school student. I totally will not be fooled because he looks older! :P but then we started to tell people we were brothers and sisters....all the undergrads were so fooled that they smiled and nodded but deep down wondered.."Seriously?" but me and Steve both had a good time.
AH! i so look forward in getting to grow with these young ones here in Columbia University. This is the moment I have been waiting for and God is so great. Praise you Lord!
There is this other guy who is starting also and he is the guy volunteer staff and it was so fun- we pretended that we were freshman, then he pretended that he was an exchange student from Korea and then he just said he was a high school student. I totally will not be fooled because he looks older! :P but then we started to tell people we were brothers and sisters....all the undergrads were so fooled that they smiled and nodded but deep down wondered.."Seriously?" but me and Steve both had a good time.
AH! i so look forward in getting to grow with these young ones here in Columbia University. This is the moment I have been waiting for and God is so great. Praise you Lord!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
New Semester coming up...SOON!
Rwar. here are my classes
Second year fieldwork- World Vision New York
International Social Welfare Services
Seminar on Social Policy Practice
Economics for International Affairs (with lab)
and one more class....either or
1) Program Evaluation
2) Economics and Education Development in the International arena
sounds intense....doesn't it :P
Second year fieldwork- World Vision New York
International Social Welfare Services
Seminar on Social Policy Practice
Economics for International Affairs (with lab)
and one more class....either or
1) Program Evaluation
2) Economics and Education Development in the International arena
sounds intense....doesn't it :P
Friday, August 24, 2007
Singlehood
Friends, it is so awesome to be single. I never thought about how great it is. I always wanted to be the one who had someone madly in love with me while I was madly in love with the person too....i think my singlehood has been greatly challenged due to a lot of my friends have started to date or gotten serious or even married. First thing that comes to my mind is- heck, why her? why not me? I have everything in me that is so great too! But God has been teaching me and giving me a lot of peace about being single for this season. I have been growing more and more intimate in knowing about God. That is what I've always wanted.
I'm not ready to settle. The uncomforting and lonely feeling has been surpassed by God's warmth and comfort. He daily reminds me of His promises and His passion for what I can do as a single woman in New York at this time. I will never want to settle because of a guy, money or power. Good house, good stable job, stable income, nice family life- sounds all so appealing and great. People all want that and they've been driven by their parents, society to do so. Somehow that stability disturbs me. I don't want to be one of those people who settles and gets married and stays somewhere forever till her children are grown and then start her life. Nothing wrong with that- but i don't know....maybe i'm thinking too ahead of myself. I want my kids to grow up as missionaries or have mission mindsets. I want them to be culturally compotent. I want them to LIVE life through stories and stories and stories of their interactions with people all over. Heavenly father has blessed me with that opportunity.
No wonder I haven't really found anyone great in New York- many people here and Christians are just looking for the whole "settling" mindset. I am not. I am radical. yes indeed. I am running towards God's calling and the man of God either run with me or be opened in running....hahaha. so much for metaphors.
i'm not ready to settle yet.
I'm not ready to settle. The uncomforting and lonely feeling has been surpassed by God's warmth and comfort. He daily reminds me of His promises and His passion for what I can do as a single woman in New York at this time. I will never want to settle because of a guy, money or power. Good house, good stable job, stable income, nice family life- sounds all so appealing and great. People all want that and they've been driven by their parents, society to do so. Somehow that stability disturbs me. I don't want to be one of those people who settles and gets married and stays somewhere forever till her children are grown and then start her life. Nothing wrong with that- but i don't know....maybe i'm thinking too ahead of myself. I want my kids to grow up as missionaries or have mission mindsets. I want them to be culturally compotent. I want them to LIVE life through stories and stories and stories of their interactions with people all over. Heavenly father has blessed me with that opportunity.
No wonder I haven't really found anyone great in New York- many people here and Christians are just looking for the whole "settling" mindset. I am not. I am radical. yes indeed. I am running towards God's calling and the man of God either run with me or be opened in running....hahaha. so much for metaphors.
i'm not ready to settle yet.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Indescrible. God's creation!
Cho, Teresa and me went on a 2 day 1 night trip to Niagara Falls. We went through a Chinatown tour company. We woke up at 6:00 something am and packed/washed up and headed to Chinatown in the gloomy gray weather. At 8:30 something- we three went on board the number 2 bus with a bunch of strangers and headed over on our LONG journey to Niagara. We got to the falls at 6 pm- but during that process, there were talks, naps, and watching movie. Time passed by fast.
Then we headed to Maid of Mist- I was kind of bummed out that we were on the American falls side and we only could see the American falls...but the Maid of Mist boat also went to the Canadian falls (the real big spectacular one) and our boat got SOOO close that i was getting a bit scared. and our boat driver actually turned us RADICALLY and i was on the side where i almost felt like i was gonna fall into the middle of the falls...where they met...it was slightly scary moment...but there were a lot of ppl on the boat and it was fun.
After that we went to Chinese buffet- i haven't had Chinese buffet in SOOOooo Long. ahahhaa. it was the same- so much food, so much MSG, so fun :) after that we headed to the Cave of the Winds. By this time it was already almost 9 pm but we went and it was SOOOO freakin amazing...we went from the bottom of the falls and climbed to the point where we were actually right underneath a fall.....we 3 stood there for 30 minutes- my glasses and everything was getting soaking wet even with the poncho on. it was so worth it....it felt refreshing and cleansing. After that we went to the top of the Canadian falls and took photos and watched the beautiful light affects. We made a new Korean friend. He was so cute- as a brother type! but he brought only a paper bag of his stuff and spoke very little English- but was very joyful and friendly. we also got to know 3 people from China that were studying in New York. One of them was quite difficult because he kept on bringing the whole China/Taiwan thing. There was a point where i started to get ticked and irritated and tears of anger kind of dropped...which hasn't happen in a while...but everything turned out ok and we are friends.
Then we went back to sleep- i fell asleep watching parental control on MTV. i haven't watched cable TV in so long....so i was like "i'm going to watch!" and then fell asleep on the bed with the remote control on my hands..hahhaa. the hotel was nicer then i expected! we had a hair dryer (hallelujah) so i got to take a full shower.
the next day we went to Corning Glass Museum in the middle of nowhere. It was amazing because in the middle of nowhere- there was this awesome glass museum that sorta looked like MoMA. :) and then afterwards we went to another Chinese buffet- this time we talked to another guy who was traveling by himself and our beloved tour guide. omg. our tour guide was so awesome. she had to say everything in 3 languages (english, mandarin, Cantonese) and she was such a funny person- she would tell ppl to call her "mei mei" or "honey" and she would randomly stop and laugh ....reminded me of an anime character. it was fun getting to know her
then we got back to new york at 6:30 pm.
i'm heading to DC in 2 weeks for another awesome awesome conference...can't wait.
Then we headed to Maid of Mist- I was kind of bummed out that we were on the American falls side and we only could see the American falls...but the Maid of Mist boat also went to the Canadian falls (the real big spectacular one) and our boat got SOOO close that i was getting a bit scared. and our boat driver actually turned us RADICALLY and i was on the side where i almost felt like i was gonna fall into the middle of the falls...where they met...it was slightly scary moment...but there were a lot of ppl on the boat and it was fun.
After that we went to Chinese buffet- i haven't had Chinese buffet in SOOOooo Long. ahahhaa. it was the same- so much food, so much MSG, so fun :) after that we headed to the Cave of the Winds. By this time it was already almost 9 pm but we went and it was SOOOO freakin amazing...we went from the bottom of the falls and climbed to the point where we were actually right underneath a fall.....we 3 stood there for 30 minutes- my glasses and everything was getting soaking wet even with the poncho on. it was so worth it....it felt refreshing and cleansing. After that we went to the top of the Canadian falls and took photos and watched the beautiful light affects. We made a new Korean friend. He was so cute- as a brother type! but he brought only a paper bag of his stuff and spoke very little English- but was very joyful and friendly. we also got to know 3 people from China that were studying in New York. One of them was quite difficult because he kept on bringing the whole China/Taiwan thing. There was a point where i started to get ticked and irritated and tears of anger kind of dropped...which hasn't happen in a while...but everything turned out ok and we are friends.
Then we went back to sleep- i fell asleep watching parental control on MTV. i haven't watched cable TV in so long....so i was like "i'm going to watch!" and then fell asleep on the bed with the remote control on my hands..hahhaa. the hotel was nicer then i expected! we had a hair dryer (hallelujah) so i got to take a full shower.
the next day we went to Corning Glass Museum in the middle of nowhere. It was amazing because in the middle of nowhere- there was this awesome glass museum that sorta looked like MoMA. :) and then afterwards we went to another Chinese buffet- this time we talked to another guy who was traveling by himself and our beloved tour guide. omg. our tour guide was so awesome. she had to say everything in 3 languages (english, mandarin, Cantonese) and she was such a funny person- she would tell ppl to call her "mei mei" or "honey" and she would randomly stop and laugh ....reminded me of an anime character. it was fun getting to know her
then we got back to new york at 6:30 pm.
i'm heading to DC in 2 weeks for another awesome awesome conference...can't wait.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Dream on dear friends!
I just had lunch with my teammate/sister in Christ Lina. I'm glad that she is here in the city and the others who are dear to me....but most of all- thank God for such passionate people who seem to have the same desire of serving God in the ends of the Earth. We are all dreaming the same dream as kingdom dreamers.
Its so hard to have had such an intense experience in the far ends of the Earth- where we are far away from our familiarity and dropped in the midst of strange yet so awesomely interesting people and culture- and not be affected by it. The closest thing to Heaven on Earth- what is it? Glimpses of it were experienced- like how a team of youth that loved God had disputes came all together in Christ in the end and learned to forgive, accept, tolerate, love and cherish one another- like how a minority who has been suffering her whole life of not knowing the truth suddenly is taught about truth and what is out there and the freedom....
We live in a world where money, power, relationships, materialism rules.....and as I was talking today with my dear friend- i was reminded how we can be affected by those things. People are making money and power driven. People are seeking boyfriends or girlfriends or their attention to make their emptiness in their lives content. People are wanting to enjoy newest and trendiest things while forgotten the basic and simplest things in life- like sharing and building on friendships, like spending time with family and serving them, like being able to look at the homeless woman and give a smile to a stranger. Where have we gone? Have we even forgotten the most basic things in life....
Maybe its not all about making money and gaining power....are you going to be happy when you are done? I have to tell myself that. God catches each one of my tears and I know those tears that I have shed because of the feelings I have towards loved one or ones in Asia is not going to waste.....those tears will be counted up and provided within the provision answer entitled as my calling...
Its so hard to have had such an intense experience in the far ends of the Earth- where we are far away from our familiarity and dropped in the midst of strange yet so awesomely interesting people and culture- and not be affected by it. The closest thing to Heaven on Earth- what is it? Glimpses of it were experienced- like how a team of youth that loved God had disputes came all together in Christ in the end and learned to forgive, accept, tolerate, love and cherish one another- like how a minority who has been suffering her whole life of not knowing the truth suddenly is taught about truth and what is out there and the freedom....
We live in a world where money, power, relationships, materialism rules.....and as I was talking today with my dear friend- i was reminded how we can be affected by those things. People are making money and power driven. People are seeking boyfriends or girlfriends or their attention to make their emptiness in their lives content. People are wanting to enjoy newest and trendiest things while forgotten the basic and simplest things in life- like sharing and building on friendships, like spending time with family and serving them, like being able to look at the homeless woman and give a smile to a stranger. Where have we gone? Have we even forgotten the most basic things in life....
Maybe its not all about making money and gaining power....are you going to be happy when you are done? I have to tell myself that. God catches each one of my tears and I know those tears that I have shed because of the feelings I have towards loved one or ones in Asia is not going to waste.....those tears will be counted up and provided within the provision answer entitled as my calling...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Hosanna.
see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest x2
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I walk from earth into Eternity
[Chorus] x2
Hosanna in the highest
There are things bigger then you and me.
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest x2
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I walk from earth into Eternity
[Chorus] x2
Hosanna in the highest
There are things bigger then you and me.
Mouring over the lost of a friend.
I am beyond disappointed at a friend. I shall not name this friend because I don't think there is any need to say anything to this person anymore. Usually i would like to tell others about it- but I have come to learn that this is my business and I shall be a good woman of God- tame my tongue in gossip and restrain myself for saying anything that is remotely gossipy or stupid. I just pray that God will take me through this time. I think I have officially come to a point- where I am mourning the loss of a friend. This person- I haven't known this person for that long. But, I still remember when me and this friend use to be slightly close. there are even moments when i recall that this person and i had deep conversations and this person would be such a light and encouragement in areas of my life. i always thought that this person related to me in a very fun way. everything changed after my long journey back from taiwan. anyways-some people cannot handle honesty. some people just don't understand the person for who you are. this friend of mine did not. i don't think this person will ever understand and want to know me in a deeper level of how i want to know this person. its really beyond sadness. now all the memories i have had in stored and all the excitement i have had to lavish person is dried into barely nothing. all i got for this person is just a smile and a nod.....no, its not because i'm tired, its because it really is what i have left......
some friendships in new york frustrate me. maybe i haven't invested enough....maybe i haven't given enough.....but i don't enjoy superficial. i don't enjoy always just eating partying and be merry- that is NOT enough for me. Whatever happened to true fellowship where people lifted each other, encouraged each other, prayed for each other, had awesome awesome conversations till wee hours.....i would trade that any second with small talk and wasting money...
some friendships in new york frustrate me. maybe i haven't invested enough....maybe i haven't given enough.....but i don't enjoy superficial. i don't enjoy always just eating partying and be merry- that is NOT enough for me. Whatever happened to true fellowship where people lifted each other, encouraged each other, prayed for each other, had awesome awesome conversations till wee hours.....i would trade that any second with small talk and wasting money...
Monday, August 6, 2007
La Vie En Rose
I went with Dawn to the Paris Theater to watch a French movie called "La Vie En Rose"- it was all French and biopic about Edith Pilaf...the amazing singer. The movie was very "french" as Dawn would call it. It was true- it jumped here and there and while both me and Dawn were getting confused.....the plot was coming out eventually at the end. It was a very sad story....I thought.. the director definitely made it into a sad shade into it. But overall- it was a good movie. I can't believe the actress who played Edith Pilaf was the same as the leading actress in A Good Year...!!!!! crazy...she definitely will get an award sometime along her career.
So I have finally came back to the swing of things in New York. While I've had busy schedule of working and spending time with out of town friends- I have also started to like New York again. So much has happened this summer and its funny in comparison to what I have done- I really haven't done much other then go home and come back to new york....but God has taught and guided me in many ways. Last year an entire year of confusion and transition and emotions....i feel like finally- God has given me eyes to see what he has meant to be...what he has planned....and i must say, its better then anything in the world.
Praise God for miracles....
1) my internship in World Vision for next year. That in itself is a miracle. I came back from Taiwan confused of my whole social work career- people like Steph and Val helped me a lot through my external processing. And of course- at the end, my dad listened and gave me very wise advice. I was almost going to quit school and reapply again- my dad thought that was very foolish to do while i can take classes and make my last year into what I would have wanted it to be. So, I decided to go back to International Social Policy- i had to reject my 1st choice internship and refind a new one. My field advisor Moira has been MORe then supportive and helpful. I told her my goals and visions and she listened and processed and respected my decision. Then after 2 weeks- she calls me and told me how she asked UNICEF, UN and everyone has already reached their intern capacity. And then she asked me..."well, there is a spot. have you ever heard of World Vision?" and my heart skipped a beat....and i thought to myself "are you kidding...of course..." and it turns out they have a spot opened. So i went in and I was interviewed by their executive director who seems like a wise old gentleman who has been in the corporate business world for a long time- he told me that they need an intern to work on their biggest donor's project- working with implementing psychotherapy afterschool programs with girls in Palestine....while i looked at him while he presented this case...i could NOT believe it......did he even know that I lived in the Middle East? Did he even know I love Arabs and Muslims? Did he know that i did psychotherapy last year with Chinese immigrants?...... i was in awe. So i'm officially on board with World Vision- starting from September. My dad and mom are SUPER excited for me :) thank you GOd.
2) I got involved with a Muslim Background Believer here in NYC- I heard her testimony and was EXTREMELY blessed and of course cried...but she wanted someone to help her out with PR work of her t-shirt fundraising for her Muslim ministries. I have been thinking of wanting to explore more about PR...it couldn't be better. I must say- so far its a bit frustrating...with the churches...but we shall see. But how did she know I was in a bit of a financial crisis? she offered to pay me......seriously, God- you are too good...
3) i had a good dream last night....about my dear friend back in the northwest. i'm going to hold onto that dream and believe that the good day is going to be happening soon.
Hosanna in the Highest.
So I have finally came back to the swing of things in New York. While I've had busy schedule of working and spending time with out of town friends- I have also started to like New York again. So much has happened this summer and its funny in comparison to what I have done- I really haven't done much other then go home and come back to new york....but God has taught and guided me in many ways. Last year an entire year of confusion and transition and emotions....i feel like finally- God has given me eyes to see what he has meant to be...what he has planned....and i must say, its better then anything in the world.
Praise God for miracles....
1) my internship in World Vision for next year. That in itself is a miracle. I came back from Taiwan confused of my whole social work career- people like Steph and Val helped me a lot through my external processing. And of course- at the end, my dad listened and gave me very wise advice. I was almost going to quit school and reapply again- my dad thought that was very foolish to do while i can take classes and make my last year into what I would have wanted it to be. So, I decided to go back to International Social Policy- i had to reject my 1st choice internship and refind a new one. My field advisor Moira has been MORe then supportive and helpful. I told her my goals and visions and she listened and processed and respected my decision. Then after 2 weeks- she calls me and told me how she asked UNICEF, UN and everyone has already reached their intern capacity. And then she asked me..."well, there is a spot. have you ever heard of World Vision?" and my heart skipped a beat....and i thought to myself "are you kidding...of course..." and it turns out they have a spot opened. So i went in and I was interviewed by their executive director who seems like a wise old gentleman who has been in the corporate business world for a long time- he told me that they need an intern to work on their biggest donor's project- working with implementing psychotherapy afterschool programs with girls in Palestine....while i looked at him while he presented this case...i could NOT believe it......did he even know that I lived in the Middle East? Did he even know I love Arabs and Muslims? Did he know that i did psychotherapy last year with Chinese immigrants?...... i was in awe. So i'm officially on board with World Vision- starting from September. My dad and mom are SUPER excited for me :) thank you GOd.
2) I got involved with a Muslim Background Believer here in NYC- I heard her testimony and was EXTREMELY blessed and of course cried...but she wanted someone to help her out with PR work of her t-shirt fundraising for her Muslim ministries. I have been thinking of wanting to explore more about PR...it couldn't be better. I must say- so far its a bit frustrating...with the churches...but we shall see. But how did she know I was in a bit of a financial crisis? she offered to pay me......seriously, God- you are too good...
3) i had a good dream last night....about my dear friend back in the northwest. i'm going to hold onto that dream and believe that the good day is going to be happening soon.
Hosanna in the Highest.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Good Soul Food
July 24, 2007
Rebellion in the Desert
Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Do you know that we can prolong suffering by our response to it? I once talked with a woman who lived with chronic depression and suicidal tendencies for a long time. She said, "I realize now that all those years stemmed from my own rebellion against the Lord when I was walking through the desert of life."
It reminds me of Psalm 68:6 where it says, God "leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land."
If you're discouraged or depressed, it may not be because you've done something wrong. God could be preparing to lead you to prosperity. But the way you handle the crisis could cause many more years of wandering.
So don't stay in a parched land any longer than you have to. If you are in a desert right now, let God lead you through it, and trust Him to lead you out in His way and His time.
Rebellion in the Desert
Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Do you know that we can prolong suffering by our response to it? I once talked with a woman who lived with chronic depression and suicidal tendencies for a long time. She said, "I realize now that all those years stemmed from my own rebellion against the Lord when I was walking through the desert of life."
It reminds me of Psalm 68:6 where it says, God "leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land."
If you're discouraged or depressed, it may not be because you've done something wrong. God could be preparing to lead you to prosperity. But the way you handle the crisis could cause many more years of wandering.
So don't stay in a parched land any longer than you have to. If you are in a desert right now, let God lead you through it, and trust Him to lead you out in His way and His time.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Another update!
Julia Warren is getting married!!! I cannot believe that she will be getting married this weekend....I can still remember the days when we were all in Mims- oh how young we all were....and this weekend I get to see her walk down the aisle. So surreal.
So a couple of things have been happening in my life
1) learning greatly about conflict resolution
2) God's blessing and provision with future and ministries
3) Finally letting go and being secure in God :)
I'm sitting at the computer lab and working- at least getting some kind of income into my new york expenses. people have seriously non-stop being coming to visit! currently i have dawn with me- and when i come back from atlanta it will be dawn, ethel, ethel's mom, and ethel's boyfriend Mark! hahahah :) full house! but i'm glad though- they are keeping me energetic- 'cause i am an extrovert! hahaha
I got an internship offer with Disabilities Network of New York City. but I turned I turned it down (what?! why??!?!...that would be the respones) for an opportunity to work for a woman who does t-shirt ministries and ministries with Muslims in New York. I can't wait to see what is there for me!
------
on the side note....i think i am a born romantic.
So a couple of things have been happening in my life
1) learning greatly about conflict resolution
2) God's blessing and provision with future and ministries
3) Finally letting go and being secure in God :)
I'm sitting at the computer lab and working- at least getting some kind of income into my new york expenses. people have seriously non-stop being coming to visit! currently i have dawn with me- and when i come back from atlanta it will be dawn, ethel, ethel's mom, and ethel's boyfriend Mark! hahahah :) full house! but i'm glad though- they are keeping me energetic- 'cause i am an extrovert! hahaha
I got an internship offer with Disabilities Network of New York City. but I turned I turned it down (what?! why??!?!...that would be the respones) for an opportunity to work for a woman who does t-shirt ministries and ministries with Muslims in New York. I can't wait to see what is there for me!
------
on the side note....i think i am a born romantic.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I'm not a plastic bag!
I didn't really sleep last night.....i lied on the curved concrete road in Columbus Circle with some friends for 5 hours...waiting for the chance to buy 3 tote bags that say "I'm not a Plastic Bag"- designed by award winning designer (her name escapes me). it is also very environmental as it is promoting the anti-usage of plastic. if that wasn't enough....1 bag usually costs about 200 dollars on ebay while i got 3 bags, each for 15 dollars! yeap. thats right.....so, i had an adventure with my friends.
i have 3 bags- one for me, one for a friend and the other one either for my mom or for my roommate from China.... :)
we shall see!!
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/845499779/
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/845482451/
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/845460169/
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/846298534/
i have 3 bags- one for me, one for a friend and the other one either for my mom or for my roommate from China.... :)
we shall see!!
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/845499779/
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/845482451/
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/845460169/
http://flickr.com/photos/gregwong/846298534/
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Pride or Brokenness? I choose brokenness.
By Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Proud people focus on the failures of others.
Broken people are overwhelmed with a sense of their own spiritual need.
Proud people have a critical, fault-finding spirit; they look at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope.
Broken people are compassionate; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.
Proud people are self-righteous; they look down on others.
Broken people esteem all others better than themselves.
Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.
Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for others.
Proud people have to prove that they are right.
Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
Proud people claim rights; they have a demanding spirit.
Broken people yield their rights; they have a meek spirit.
Proud people are self-protective of their time, their rights, and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.
Proud people desire to be served.
Broken people are motivated to serve others.
Proud people desire to be a success.
Broken people are motivated to be faithful and to make others a success.
Proud people desire self-advancement.
Broken people desire to promote others.
Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated.
Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness; they are thrilled that God would use them at all.
Proud people are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked.
Broken people are eager for others to get the credit; they rejoice when others are lifted up.
Proud people have a subconscious feeling, “This ministry/church is privileged to have me and my gifts”; they think of what they can do for God.
Broken people’s heart attitude is, “I don’t deserve to have a part in any ministry”; they know that they have nothing to offer God except the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
Proud people feel confident in how much they know.
Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
Proud people are self-conscious.
Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
Proud people keep others at arms’ length.
Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and to take risks of loving intimately.
Proud people are quick to blame others.
Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they are wrong in a situation.
Proud people are unapproachable or defensive when criticized.
Broken people receive criticism with a humble, open spirit.
Proud people are concerned with being respectable, with what others think; they work to protect their own image and reputation.
Broken people are concerned with being real; what matters to them is not what others think but what God knows; they are willing to die to their own reputation.
Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual need with others.
Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
Proud people want to be sure that no one finds out when they have sinned; their instinct is to cover up.
Broken people, once broken, don’t care who knows or who finds out; they are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
Proud people have a hard time saying, “I was wrong; will you please forgive me?”
Broken people are quick to admit failure and to seek forgiveness when necessary.
Proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sin.
Broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing their sin.
Proud people are concerned about the consequences of their sin.
Broken people are grieved over the cause, the root of their sin.
Proud people are remorseful over their sin, sorry that they got found out or caught.
Broken people are truly, genuinely repentant over their sin, evidenced in the fact that they forsake that sin.
Proud people wait for the other to come and ask forgiveness when there is a misunderstanding or conflict in a relationship.
Broken people take the initiative to be reconciled when there is misunderstanding or conflict in relationships; they race to the cross; they see if they can get there first, no matter how wrong the other may have been.
Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor.
Broken people compare themselves to the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for His mercy.
Proud people are blind to their true heart condition.
Broken people walk in the light.
Proud people don’t think they have anything to repent of.
Broken people realize they have need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
Proud people don’t think they need revival, but they are sure that everyone else does.
Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God and for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
Proud people focus on the failures of others.
Broken people are overwhelmed with a sense of their own spiritual need.
Proud people have a critical, fault-finding spirit; they look at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope.
Broken people are compassionate; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.
Proud people are self-righteous; they look down on others.
Broken people esteem all others better than themselves.
Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.
Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for others.
Proud people have to prove that they are right.
Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.
Proud people claim rights; they have a demanding spirit.
Broken people yield their rights; they have a meek spirit.
Proud people are self-protective of their time, their rights, and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.
Proud people desire to be served.
Broken people are motivated to serve others.
Proud people desire to be a success.
Broken people are motivated to be faithful and to make others a success.
Proud people desire self-advancement.
Broken people desire to promote others.
Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated.
Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness; they are thrilled that God would use them at all.
Proud people are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked.
Broken people are eager for others to get the credit; they rejoice when others are lifted up.
Proud people have a subconscious feeling, “This ministry/church is privileged to have me and my gifts”; they think of what they can do for God.
Broken people’s heart attitude is, “I don’t deserve to have a part in any ministry”; they know that they have nothing to offer God except the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.
Proud people feel confident in how much they know.
Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.
Proud people are self-conscious.
Broken people are not concerned with self at all.
Proud people keep others at arms’ length.
Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and to take risks of loving intimately.
Proud people are quick to blame others.
Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they are wrong in a situation.
Proud people are unapproachable or defensive when criticized.
Broken people receive criticism with a humble, open spirit.
Proud people are concerned with being respectable, with what others think; they work to protect their own image and reputation.
Broken people are concerned with being real; what matters to them is not what others think but what God knows; they are willing to die to their own reputation.
Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual need with others.
Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.
Proud people want to be sure that no one finds out when they have sinned; their instinct is to cover up.
Broken people, once broken, don’t care who knows or who finds out; they are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.
Proud people have a hard time saying, “I was wrong; will you please forgive me?”
Broken people are quick to admit failure and to seek forgiveness when necessary.
Proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sin.
Broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing their sin.
Proud people are concerned about the consequences of their sin.
Broken people are grieved over the cause, the root of their sin.
Proud people are remorseful over their sin, sorry that they got found out or caught.
Broken people are truly, genuinely repentant over their sin, evidenced in the fact that they forsake that sin.
Proud people wait for the other to come and ask forgiveness when there is a misunderstanding or conflict in a relationship.
Broken people take the initiative to be reconciled when there is misunderstanding or conflict in relationships; they race to the cross; they see if they can get there first, no matter how wrong the other may have been.
Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor.
Broken people compare themselves to the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for His mercy.
Proud people are blind to their true heart condition.
Broken people walk in the light.
Proud people don’t think they have anything to repent of.
Broken people realize they have need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.
Proud people don’t think they need revival, but they are sure that everyone else does.
Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God and for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Mondays, everyday
I just spent the last 2 days in New Haven, CT. It was like what people said- gorgeous campus, but kind of simple and a lot boring compared to new york city....but somehow i found much solitude with my friend sudi. Sudi is a 3rd year medical student at Yale. I still remember the days when we were in college....this weekend it reminded me of those days. Let's see- what did we do? Well, we walked a lot- i mean, A LOT! but i didn't mind because the campus was SOO beautiful. The buildings were all historical and gothic looking. I was slightly jealous by the fact that their residential colleges looked like Harry Potter's school....wouldn't it have been awesome if i had that residential college experience? A lot of my friends i ended up with were mostly from my freshman dorm. It would have been awesome to share the same space and dining area....:) Anyways- I also got to see Stoops, another Vandy friend. I haven't seen him since senior year in college....2.5 years ago...wow. I think we all haven't changed much, but just now with a shade of maturity and respect. Our childish wild days are over...and now we are more like adults. its true! its true...
I got a lot of sleep over the weekend. I also ate really really well! i ate at the local hangout spot, BAR- i had a mash potato/ spinach pizza....mmmmm....and the BAR house salad which was blue cheese, pecan, greens, pears with house vinegerette dressing. it was so delish. I also ate some awesome chicken biriyani at this restaurant called Zordosa- Sudi knew the owner and he gave us 10% off! :)
Other then that- let me see, it was nice to be away from new york for a little bit. i know i know..i just got back from taiwan too!! but i'm excited about what is ahead for the summer. last week i went through some pretty big things...like finding out i can't get a job off campus which pays because of my visa status....pretty dumb...but what can i do....i'm F1...(sigh) but now things are looking a whole lot better. I think its all because of the comfort of God. I have a part time job on campus which does pay money, but i also will be interviewing this weekend for non-paid internships.. and some possible investment on ministry opportunities. But the weeks coming ahead are reallyh exciting because next week i'll be in Atlanta for Julia's wedding- finally doing bridesmaid duties....i can't wait! most of all- be back in the South...:) also seeing old friends and JULIA! Dawn is coming to stay with me for a few weeks in new york! i'm excited about that! Sudi is coming into town next week- and we are going to suit shop. Lets see.....Ethel is coming into town!! :) i'm excited and she is staying here! thats beyond exciting because a fellow China dreamer is coming to new york. Then the Cynthia, Vicky, Helen from FNL are all visiting new york in August!! :)
God is good- God, i pray for PROVISION and trust you are GOOD!
GOd- i also lift up those in the desertlands....the joy of the redeemed
I got a lot of sleep over the weekend. I also ate really really well! i ate at the local hangout spot, BAR- i had a mash potato/ spinach pizza....mmmmm....and the BAR house salad which was blue cheese, pecan, greens, pears with house vinegerette dressing. it was so delish. I also ate some awesome chicken biriyani at this restaurant called Zordosa- Sudi knew the owner and he gave us 10% off! :)
Other then that- let me see, it was nice to be away from new york for a little bit. i know i know..i just got back from taiwan too!! but i'm excited about what is ahead for the summer. last week i went through some pretty big things...like finding out i can't get a job off campus which pays because of my visa status....pretty dumb...but what can i do....i'm F1...(sigh) but now things are looking a whole lot better. I think its all because of the comfort of God. I have a part time job on campus which does pay money, but i also will be interviewing this weekend for non-paid internships.. and some possible investment on ministry opportunities. But the weeks coming ahead are reallyh exciting because next week i'll be in Atlanta for Julia's wedding- finally doing bridesmaid duties....i can't wait! most of all- be back in the South...:) also seeing old friends and JULIA! Dawn is coming to stay with me for a few weeks in new york! i'm excited about that! Sudi is coming into town next week- and we are going to suit shop. Lets see.....Ethel is coming into town!! :) i'm excited and she is staying here! thats beyond exciting because a fellow China dreamer is coming to new york. Then the Cynthia, Vicky, Helen from FNL are all visiting new york in August!! :)
God is good- God, i pray for PROVISION and trust you are GOOD!
GOd- i also lift up those in the desertlands....the joy of the redeemed
Monday, July 9, 2007
Withdrawal
My stage really sucks. I just realized that i'm not very happy and then i don't know... every time conversations with friends - something happens. So, i was gone for 2 months. A lot happened with me- I develop new meaningful friendships, spent time with family and most of all- started to think about my future (since i got time). But i realized that I wasn't the only one doing that. Everyone- I MEAN...literally EVERYONE i know in new york city has moved on exponentially in their own ways. I come back and people are happy to see me- but they are so involved with their current fast paced life that my return and my stories does not really mean much to them- or they don't have time. They have found substitutes and other new friends and deeper relationships and being back.... its a feeling of alone. i just realized that I might have too high expectations. Unlike last time where I had a team with me that was all going through withdrawal....i'm alone this time. Of course- I know that God is with me and all that- but my lack of community in New York does not help. Ironically its the new friendships that are so less hurtful- I got to spend time with Albert- who i have only met twice and we had a lot of fun today- eating, walking, reading, talking...it was so nice. I guess a lot has to do the fact that he actually was in Taiwan a month ago and we hung out there- i felt new and fresh. On the other hand, its the relationships that i have had in the past year or two that is most hurtful to me. I hoped they would be more understanding and wanting to spend time with me....but everyone is busy. I will be busy soon too- when i start to work. People ALways say i have a lot of friends....but to be honest...i'm starting to doubt the meaningful relationships- i don't really have much of those. There is a fear that I might end up alone.....and left behind....just like that song i wrote.
Friday, July 6, 2007
The Gift of Tears
When I took the test on spiritual gifts- my top three were ranked: mercy, pastor/shepherd, and evangelism. I remember the first time when i took that test i was kind of like- "?!??!" I am a 100% feeler- and with that comes the gift of tears. When i start crying....i cannot stop crying. I never saw it as a gift until one of my staff in China told me that it is as he has tried and tried to cry...but he can't.
Yesterday I broke down crying because 3 reasons. I needed to cry it out....it was awaiting- kind of like a waterfall awaiting to explode from the opening...
1) I missed my loved ones in Taiwan.
2) I hated being in New York
3) My future
Thanks for my thinker friend- she stood by my side till 5 am (btw- i am still jet lagged!) and listened, analyzed, and helped me see things in perspectives. There were no answers that came out of the convo- but I definitely feel stronger in approaching things. God is really good and he used last night to tell me some of the struggles that i still struggle with.....
i had only 2 hours of sleep....man....when is this jet lag going to recover!
Yesterday I broke down crying because 3 reasons. I needed to cry it out....it was awaiting- kind of like a waterfall awaiting to explode from the opening...
1) I missed my loved ones in Taiwan.
2) I hated being in New York
3) My future
Thanks for my thinker friend- she stood by my side till 5 am (btw- i am still jet lagged!) and listened, analyzed, and helped me see things in perspectives. There were no answers that came out of the convo- but I definitely feel stronger in approaching things. God is really good and he used last night to tell me some of the struggles that i still struggle with.....
i had only 2 hours of sleep....man....when is this jet lag going to recover!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
new york- a new beginning. summer part 2!
i'm back in new york city. how surreal. i'm in my apartment typing this while outside is a beautiful nyc day. the weather is slightly chilly but beautifully sunny! got a few phone calls today....good to talk to my friends in new york. trying to get this camera thing settled....but its not going anywhere...AHHHH! So, the plane ride to New York was pretty smooth. I slept the whole time. There was this weird moment when i woke up and my neighbor was looking at me....weird...so i turned my back towards him and kept on sleeping. hahaha....then Stan came to pick me up-i appreciate him so much. the guy gave up a Yankees game and was sick and had work the next day- but he came to pick me up. I'm going to have to cook him an AMAZINg dinner to thank him.
i miss taiwan and my loved ones....
but there are much to figure out being back in new york.
1) my future
2) church- get settled with church, serving and small group.
3) start really being plugged in with InterVarsity staff.
4) meet more ppl!
i miss taiwan and my loved ones....
but there are much to figure out being back in new york.
1) my future
2) church- get settled with church, serving and small group.
3) start really being plugged in with InterVarsity staff.
4) meet more ppl!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Calling.
One violin artist at church one time in new york told me " some people have a burden for China, but you my dear, you have a calling."
What is that calling? I am almost 25 years old and i'm still confused about what i want in life. Here are some big goals
- I want to glorify God
- I want to be able to use my gifts that He has equipped me
- I want to be good at my job, but also enjoy the learning and hard times
- I want to honor my parents for giving me such great education and loan-free life.
what is it?
I am currently a social work student at a really good school and never ever have i felt this insecure before. I remember the whole first year grad school was multiple questioning about what i'm doing. is it right? is it really worth me putting so much money in? People always say "hahah- you are not in it for the money" its true...but what if i really do want to earn money to support myself, my sister, my parents? and one day be able to support a foundation that can go to remote areas....and really oversee and look and fund people?
Yes- I'm Isaiah 6- Dear Lord, send me. I'm defintiely a person that wants to go more then stay. BUT- maybe i'm wrong. maybe its because i have been sheltered for a long time and finally after being on my own for the first time in China- the passion i had was the first thing i wanted to pursue. However, i know that passion i have for China is not just a first time thingy- it stays. it aches. but what can i do to go back? I have been having so much fun doing ministry work in Taiwan- esp with the young high school teenagers. I look forward to the learning and experiences i shall have with InterVarsity for 07/09 as volunteer staff. I need more training in managing time while also be able to selectively spend quality time with girls. i enjoy one on one conversations more nowadays. There is more opportunity to be vulnerable and share.
So i have come up with some options for what i should be doing
- finish my second year in social work
- find a job that is NGO or profit or hospital (but i prefere the first 2 and NO nonprofits...i really don't get them)
- Go back to school? apply for scholarships because dad will not pay for this one. thought about international development, NGO administration, even thought about starting a whole new career- since i like creativity- thought about MBA in marketing/advertising, urban planning, architect, international human rights lawyer, development economist, professor and of course- EVEN....even the idea of going back to medical school.
- forget abo9ut all the above and just go to China....become a long term full time language student and immerse into the local culture. ...
What is it God? .....I pray for an answer!
What is that calling? I am almost 25 years old and i'm still confused about what i want in life. Here are some big goals
- I want to glorify God
- I want to be able to use my gifts that He has equipped me
- I want to be good at my job, but also enjoy the learning and hard times
- I want to honor my parents for giving me such great education and loan-free life.
what is it?
I am currently a social work student at a really good school and never ever have i felt this insecure before. I remember the whole first year grad school was multiple questioning about what i'm doing. is it right? is it really worth me putting so much money in? People always say "hahah- you are not in it for the money" its true...but what if i really do want to earn money to support myself, my sister, my parents? and one day be able to support a foundation that can go to remote areas....and really oversee and look and fund people?
Yes- I'm Isaiah 6- Dear Lord, send me. I'm defintiely a person that wants to go more then stay. BUT- maybe i'm wrong. maybe its because i have been sheltered for a long time and finally after being on my own for the first time in China- the passion i had was the first thing i wanted to pursue. However, i know that passion i have for China is not just a first time thingy- it stays. it aches. but what can i do to go back? I have been having so much fun doing ministry work in Taiwan- esp with the young high school teenagers. I look forward to the learning and experiences i shall have with InterVarsity for 07/09 as volunteer staff. I need more training in managing time while also be able to selectively spend quality time with girls. i enjoy one on one conversations more nowadays. There is more opportunity to be vulnerable and share.
So i have come up with some options for what i should be doing
- finish my second year in social work
- find a job that is NGO or profit or hospital (but i prefere the first 2 and NO nonprofits...i really don't get them)
- Go back to school? apply for scholarships because dad will not pay for this one. thought about international development, NGO administration, even thought about starting a whole new career- since i like creativity- thought about MBA in marketing/advertising, urban planning, architect, international human rights lawyer, development economist, professor and of course- EVEN....even the idea of going back to medical school.
- forget abo9ut all the above and just go to China....become a long term full time language student and immerse into the local culture. ...
What is it God? .....I pray for an answer!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Kending....paradise of Taiwan
I always hear from others about how awesome Kending is. For those who don't know- Kending is the most southern part of Taiwan. It is known for the amazing beaches and coastline and the sunny weather- kind of like San Diegoish. Never did I know how amazing it really is.....I was very hesitant in going- because i was going to go with a bunch of people who most i didn't know or just met a few weeks ago....but it was fun. pretty healing. Some of the things I did this weekend
- watch "Night in the Museum" on the 5 star bus down from Taipei to Kaoshung. oh yeah- the bus departed at 5:00 am....
- shared about XJ to ppl on the bus and Rachel...i think i got Rachel and Joseph hooked...
- Was in the Bai Sha Wan (white sands)'s water for 4 hours....i kept on asking Luke "Luke, where's the waves?" :D diving into waves was absolutely awesome.
- Rode behind a scooter around the southern tip. Joseph is a good driver
- shoot firecrackers into the beach. at first it was kind of scary, but then me and rachel became addicted
- Slept on the floor at the hostel that reminded me of the China days with Rachel. We froze in the night.....barely got sleep and was afraid of roaches....hahah.
- Sea water remained in my hair for 2 days and 2 nights...
- Pineapple, Mango, Apple smoothie...yum.
- Me and Luke bottoms up with spoonfulls of green curry
- Rachel and me on the donut jet ski ride. it was amazing because we sat on a donut shaped floating balloon and the jet ski driver drove full speed and dragged us onto the sea.....he definitely made sure he did sharp edges...it was high.
- Meeting Joseph's brother who works at a very popular Italian restaurant. He was really nice!
- Love river talks
- The balloon artist guy and my penguin balloon
- talks late night :D
what a great trip. great friends, great memories, great food, great tan ^^, great ocean, great convos...yeah.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Its not always rosy and sparkly...sometimes life is tough. deal with it!
I can't help but feeling weird lately. It could be due to the prolonged PMSing....or it could just be the fact that i'm leaving the beautiful island of Taiwan in 2 weeks and back to realistic fast pace new york or it could be that i'm having my future blues again....I actually don't understand why it happens to me so much (of course, i mean the last option)
Do you ever have conversations with people and you expect them to care a lot and talk more and just hang on with you during these bad and awkward moments- but they don't? They just keep on doing whatever they were doing before and just breeze through you with a general comment such as "don't worry...everything is going to be alright." or "God is in control"
I know that everything is going to be alright and that God uses those moments to reach/refine us- but can we really sometimes just sit there and listen to someone and sort out what they are saying and helping them step by step instead of saying things so general. I think I have become "less" general and more specific in things. Well, maybe i pick and choose. Not all topics are needed to be specific and not all topics are needed to be general. But when someone seems to be down, if i have the time, i would totally take the person out and just sit with them, sort through the ideas one by one. most of all- LISTEN. listen with the heart instead of the brian. be empathic and loving and TAKE the time (again- if you have THE time). While i write this, I have to be more like this too- to those around me. I have been feeling funky this week- and sometimes when you are the only one feeling weird and funky, not everyone can understand your level. and yes- sometimes you just have to run to God and ask that He be your listener. He is a pretty good listener.
I recently started to read a book a friend gave me called "Praying God's Words" by Beth Moore- the book goes through spiritual strongholds and each stronghold there are 5-8 pages of verses and prayers written out for ppl to say it out loud and break free from strongholds. I find it useful. Lately I have been king of overwhelmed by how much stuff i have in me- that needs to be prayed out.
I have so many dreams....I don't know if social work is a career i want to go on- but for now i want to do something powerful and useful. I'm not saying that social work is not- but i see some areas where there is a bigger need in ppl. International development has always been in my mind- but recently more has been developmental economics or even developmental sociology, race and ethnicity and such. Thats not it- realistically, i always thought about going into marketing- specifically advertising because i like being creative.....oh God, what should i do.....
Do you ever have conversations with people and you expect them to care a lot and talk more and just hang on with you during these bad and awkward moments- but they don't? They just keep on doing whatever they were doing before and just breeze through you with a general comment such as "don't worry...everything is going to be alright." or "God is in control"
I know that everything is going to be alright and that God uses those moments to reach/refine us- but can we really sometimes just sit there and listen to someone and sort out what they are saying and helping them step by step instead of saying things so general. I think I have become "less" general and more specific in things. Well, maybe i pick and choose. Not all topics are needed to be specific and not all topics are needed to be general. But when someone seems to be down, if i have the time, i would totally take the person out and just sit with them, sort through the ideas one by one. most of all- LISTEN. listen with the heart instead of the brian. be empathic and loving and TAKE the time (again- if you have THE time). While i write this, I have to be more like this too- to those around me. I have been feeling funky this week- and sometimes when you are the only one feeling weird and funky, not everyone can understand your level. and yes- sometimes you just have to run to God and ask that He be your listener. He is a pretty good listener.
I recently started to read a book a friend gave me called "Praying God's Words" by Beth Moore- the book goes through spiritual strongholds and each stronghold there are 5-8 pages of verses and prayers written out for ppl to say it out loud and break free from strongholds. I find it useful. Lately I have been king of overwhelmed by how much stuff i have in me- that needs to be prayed out.
I have so many dreams....I don't know if social work is a career i want to go on- but for now i want to do something powerful and useful. I'm not saying that social work is not- but i see some areas where there is a bigger need in ppl. International development has always been in my mind- but recently more has been developmental economics or even developmental sociology, race and ethnicity and such. Thats not it- realistically, i always thought about going into marketing- specifically advertising because i like being creative.....oh God, what should i do.....
Saturday, June 9, 2007
My mother and i
God really has blessed my relationship with my mother. We’ve had our rough times over the years- especially last year when I came home after being away from family for 4 years. There were a lot of conflicts, fights, and communication problems between my mother and me. So many times the conversation ended with raised voices and tears (well, tears for my part). I consistently lifted my feelings towards my mother to God- telling him that I do not like her at that moment- but I would ask God to give me a loving heart to love her. There were many reconciliation moments during our year together.
Now, my mom is getting ready to attend new believers class (8 classes) and is getting ready to be baptized in my home church in Taiwan in October. I remember back in 2003 when I first became Christian- I thought to myself- its going to take a lot for my mom to confess that Jesus is her personal savior. However, it takes God to break the hardest hearts and Abba did it for my mother- and continuously is breaking her. She still has a lot of past issues that she is not letting go- but praise God that she is opened in receiving His grace. We’ve had some really good conversations since I came back. Conversations that have been opened and blessed by God.
The first time I heard my mom say grace before a meal, I couldn’t help but feel emotional. From the words and tone she used, I could tell that she has waited for this moment for a long time- and finally her heart is found.
Now, my mom is getting ready to attend new believers class (8 classes) and is getting ready to be baptized in my home church in Taiwan in October. I remember back in 2003 when I first became Christian- I thought to myself- its going to take a lot for my mom to confess that Jesus is her personal savior. However, it takes God to break the hardest hearts and Abba did it for my mother- and continuously is breaking her. She still has a lot of past issues that she is not letting go- but praise God that she is opened in receiving His grace. We’ve had some really good conversations since I came back. Conversations that have been opened and blessed by God.
The first time I heard my mom say grace before a meal, I couldn’t help but feel emotional. From the words and tone she used, I could tell that she has waited for this moment for a long time- and finally her heart is found.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Rain Rain...Go away...Come again another day.
Its raining cats and dogs in Taiwan right now. Its been raining since Tuesday....non-stop. Its not like those drizzly rain. Its been pouring and pouring. It stops and then starts pouring randomly- its the monsoon season....usually it hits in April but this year it is specially later...the whole global warming is really affecting the whole weather globally as we have been having unusual warm winters or extremely cold winters...whatever it is...we need to start protecting our environment more. We can start that by sorting out our garbage!
Today was another night at Friday Night Live. Today we talked about the parable of the weeds. I got to translate a lot more today for the bible study group. Since today we only had 2 teachers and 3 assistants- the high school group was split into the girls group and the boys group. the girls group was about 20-30 ppl....yeah...it was pretty crazy. but i got to know more girls today- it is overwhelming because you cannot divide your attention to too many ppl, but you try your best. Helen (from june 1st entry) and I had a pretty decent conversation today. When I saw Helen today I gave her a warm hi. I think Helen is not one of those girls who is use to physical affection. She is a bit more shy. I don't know- God really put her in my heart since last time so i was really excited to see her today. So, after bible study, some girls came to talk to me but i was busy trying to close the convo in order to find Helen so i can get her contact info- but she got me before i got her! So after that she told me about her not doing too well on math in school. I told her i will pray for her. She sounded hesitant and was still very concerned about how bad she is doing- then i told her about a verse that someone once gave me when i was stressed out about school (thanks BEN!)- Philippians 4:6-7 and she jotted every word down in her parable book and was opened about reading about it when she felt anxious (she said she always felt anxious!!) I observed her today (i don't usually observe ppl) and it was awesome how she seemed to have lightened up a lot- getting to know high school girls and when we said goodbye today, she smiled at me and i told her- Jia Yo! (add oil, or Be well!) and she said nodded and said "em!" :) cute
I also had a good time with Cynthia and Vicky today- we had ice cream by Tpe Main Station. I've decided to host these girls for their stay in new york- they all just graduated from high school- so its important for someone to take care of them. Cynthia is very mature for her age. we talked about the future, new york and Christianity. She seems very opened in learning about God- but she mentioned a very important point about how it is hard sometimes for Chinese people to completely abandon their roots of ancestral worshipping as it is so much of the Chinese culture. I understand what she is saying- i told her that i realize it is hard also. I pay respects to my ancestors and my grandparents who have passed away- but i don't worship. worship and paying respects are 2 very different things. Anyways- wish i could have talked to Cynthia more about this- but I look forward in getting to know her more.
All these friendships are just blooming. God seriously has blessed me with new friends- Christian or not- Rachel, Gabe, Joseph, Jessica, Ashley, April, Sabrina, Phil, Alby, Nic, Brenda, Mike, Veina, Helen, Jean, Cynthia and Vicky, Jason and all the other high school students I met along the way. Only less then a month left...i am actually scared of leaving now....this beautiful chapter that God has given me.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Disappointment. Frustration.
I am kind of angry/disappointed/frustrated. Sometimes I think I am USED by my friends. I am not going to name the specific names- but i do wonder am I thinking too much? Some friends give me this funky vibe....and eventually- I do get hurt because I want to be great friends with everyone. However, I had a real good talk with my mom last night and I realized that in this world- there are going to be those who treat you differently then their other friends. Whether because they resent you, are jealous of you, dislike your personality, think you are not worthy, or just personality clash- whatever it is.....and it hurts me that sometimes people treat me differently....but i realized that there are two sides to this. its not my personality problem because i am who i am. but i shouldn't put unhealthy expectations on people. Again- i am reminded that today by some people.....ironically not in Taiwan, but back in New York- where i'm far away from.
Now i know.
Now i know.
Friday, June 1, 2007
That's what i'm talking about...!
Wow. Tonight Friday Night Live was AWESOME!!! So, Friday Night Live is definitely a present from God for me in Taiwan. In the previous months I was always wondering why is it so hard to get an internship or a job- therefore, with a slightly defeated attitude in searching- i went back home in search for long needed rest and also just what to do next. In those anxious moments of impatience and waiting- God knew exactly my next steps- why i needed to go home to Taiwan and all for His kingdom.
So it all started up with me getting a phone call a few weeks ago from my old preschool. They knew i was back since i paid a visit to them a day before the phone call. the phone call was at 8:00 in the morning. Yes! i was awake by then because i usually take my sister everyday to school around 7:30 am!!! i know....and i'm on vacation?!?! hahaha. but that day one of the Foreign teachers, Lisa, was sick and she needed a sub for her level three preschool class. So, of course- wanting money- i took the job and she assured me that her level 3 class- 8 kids- was gonna be a piece of cake to sub. It did turn out to be awesome!! i had a lot of fun with the kids- and they were so cute! they were teaching me what to do and what their usual routines is and they even showed me their graduation show dance- which is THRILLER!!!! can you believe it- 8 five year olds will be dancing to thriller- so awesome. Anyways- the point is that that day when i was in the teacher's lounge getting prepped by Mike- i met Rachel. what a God sent!! I first found out she was from Nashville, TN! :D Southern pride. and then from the way she was talking- it sounded familiar. in my mind i was like- this girl, she has to be an evangelical Christian with a mission purpose here in Taiwan...and it turned out exactly what i was thinking!!!! even though we just met that day- we bonded like crazy. Both crazy about spreading the Gospel for Jesus. We shared testimonies that day and we just talked for quite a long time. Most of all- she told me about this group she was involved with on Friday nights. She told me that she was an English teacher for this Friday night event for high school girls- i was curious.
I love Taiwan- but I guess I never really felt strongly attached to wanting to evangelize at home. Home is home. Home is where i can just rest. Anyways- so with curiousity and also by the Holy Spirit and also after meeting Rachel once- i ended up going with Rachel that week to Friday Night Live. I had no idea it was hosted by Studio Classroom- which is a very well known, good reputation, popular magazine/radio station/TV show in Taiwan. They mainly teach ppl about English and English convo. I have heard that they are a Christian organization a long time ago. So i went in faith and just really wanting to know what/how God is working in Taiwan. MAAANNN- i was so amazed by what I saw and heard. There were SOOOO many ppl there. The place was packed and they started the night with worship. People were all singing to the worship songs (with movements) and it was really friendly. After praise and worship- it was time to split into groups. I naturally went with Rachel to the high school group- which was notoriously known as the roudy group with many teachers and students. We took up the whole basement and after an ice breaker- we all broke into smaller groups. That night I remember the topic was "people pleaser" which is such a huge thing in my life. I remember meeting a lot of girls that night and really loving my conversation with them. They were so friendly, opened and wanting to know more about me as i wanted to knwo about them. God stirred my heart that night. I guess i was just bewildered about how opened evangelism was in Taiwan - in comparision to certain other countries. After that- ive been going regularly and developing friendships with the High school girls
So tonight was pretty awesome because of MANY reasons- (here is the summarization person in me...)
1) Columbia friends- Alby, his brother, and Nic came out tonight. It was awesome to have them. So random though- i Only met Alby once also randomly at a party and the other two i met tonight. It was awesome getting to know/speak more with Alby and also to see how they all hit it off with the Taiwanese high school community. They ppl all lloved them and they loved all of them- it was so awesome to see that God was soooooo in works. I can't wait to see Nic being more involved with the group during his summer here in Taiwan!
2) Today we were talking about the parables of the sower from Matthew. Later on we split into 3 per group. My group extended into 5 ppl- but it was awesome because it was so divine. This girl named Helen who wore a green uniform (the best girl's high school in taiwan) sat with my best friend from elementary school - 2 of them with me formed a group. we started discussing what type of soil we were. My best friend was very honest in sharing that she is still searching and waiting for that moment ot happen. She was so opened and vulnerable when she was speaking. She is also opened in her heart as she wants to know God! this is my best friend since elementary school!!!! i need to pray for her :) Then Helen shared that she thought the Bible and the stories were fairytales- they could not be true. Then i started to share my part of where i think i am. I then began to tell Helen that i use to be that way- i use to tell myself that God is not real. If he is real, he would show me- that kind of challenge. But i was running out of time and I told them, well, if you want to hear my story, come find me after study!! so after study Helen faithfully came and approached me and Wendy happened to be next to me and I shared my complete testimony wtih them both. In the end, Helen looked intently and i could see God stirring in her something. My friend Wendy was already in goose bumps and really showed true enjoyment in hearing the story. Helen on the other hand told me how she hears a lot of these stories- but its not hers and she does not feel personal or passionate about it. However, God wanted me to tell her that Helen will have her own story and He is already writing it now and it will be something extraordinary and only designed for Helen. we all have our own stories and how God showed us His existance and love. Anyways- praise God!!!!!! He brings people to hear His story! I just need to pray more for these two women!
Anyways- that was a lot! :) but i wanted to jot it down before i forgot!!!
Praise God- this sorta stuff makes me so hyper! :)
So it all started up with me getting a phone call a few weeks ago from my old preschool. They knew i was back since i paid a visit to them a day before the phone call. the phone call was at 8:00 in the morning. Yes! i was awake by then because i usually take my sister everyday to school around 7:30 am!!! i know....and i'm on vacation?!?! hahaha. but that day one of the Foreign teachers, Lisa, was sick and she needed a sub for her level three preschool class. So, of course- wanting money- i took the job and she assured me that her level 3 class- 8 kids- was gonna be a piece of cake to sub. It did turn out to be awesome!! i had a lot of fun with the kids- and they were so cute! they were teaching me what to do and what their usual routines is and they even showed me their graduation show dance- which is THRILLER!!!! can you believe it- 8 five year olds will be dancing to thriller- so awesome. Anyways- the point is that that day when i was in the teacher's lounge getting prepped by Mike- i met Rachel. what a God sent!! I first found out she was from Nashville, TN! :D Southern pride. and then from the way she was talking- it sounded familiar. in my mind i was like- this girl, she has to be an evangelical Christian with a mission purpose here in Taiwan...and it turned out exactly what i was thinking!!!! even though we just met that day- we bonded like crazy. Both crazy about spreading the Gospel for Jesus. We shared testimonies that day and we just talked for quite a long time. Most of all- she told me about this group she was involved with on Friday nights. She told me that she was an English teacher for this Friday night event for high school girls- i was curious.
I love Taiwan- but I guess I never really felt strongly attached to wanting to evangelize at home. Home is home. Home is where i can just rest. Anyways- so with curiousity and also by the Holy Spirit and also after meeting Rachel once- i ended up going with Rachel that week to Friday Night Live. I had no idea it was hosted by Studio Classroom- which is a very well known, good reputation, popular magazine/radio station/TV show in Taiwan. They mainly teach ppl about English and English convo. I have heard that they are a Christian organization a long time ago. So i went in faith and just really wanting to know what/how God is working in Taiwan. MAAANNN- i was so amazed by what I saw and heard. There were SOOOO many ppl there. The place was packed and they started the night with worship. People were all singing to the worship songs (with movements) and it was really friendly. After praise and worship- it was time to split into groups. I naturally went with Rachel to the high school group- which was notoriously known as the roudy group with many teachers and students. We took up the whole basement and after an ice breaker- we all broke into smaller groups. That night I remember the topic was "people pleaser" which is such a huge thing in my life. I remember meeting a lot of girls that night and really loving my conversation with them. They were so friendly, opened and wanting to know more about me as i wanted to knwo about them. God stirred my heart that night. I guess i was just bewildered about how opened evangelism was in Taiwan - in comparision to certain other countries. After that- ive been going regularly and developing friendships with the High school girls
So tonight was pretty awesome because of MANY reasons- (here is the summarization person in me...)
1) Columbia friends- Alby, his brother, and Nic came out tonight. It was awesome to have them. So random though- i Only met Alby once also randomly at a party and the other two i met tonight. It was awesome getting to know/speak more with Alby and also to see how they all hit it off with the Taiwanese high school community. They ppl all lloved them and they loved all of them- it was so awesome to see that God was soooooo in works. I can't wait to see Nic being more involved with the group during his summer here in Taiwan!
2) Today we were talking about the parables of the sower from Matthew. Later on we split into 3 per group. My group extended into 5 ppl- but it was awesome because it was so divine. This girl named Helen who wore a green uniform (the best girl's high school in taiwan) sat with my best friend from elementary school - 2 of them with me formed a group. we started discussing what type of soil we were. My best friend was very honest in sharing that she is still searching and waiting for that moment ot happen. She was so opened and vulnerable when she was speaking. She is also opened in her heart as she wants to know God! this is my best friend since elementary school!!!! i need to pray for her :) Then Helen shared that she thought the Bible and the stories were fairytales- they could not be true. Then i started to share my part of where i think i am. I then began to tell Helen that i use to be that way- i use to tell myself that God is not real. If he is real, he would show me- that kind of challenge. But i was running out of time and I told them, well, if you want to hear my story, come find me after study!! so after study Helen faithfully came and approached me and Wendy happened to be next to me and I shared my complete testimony wtih them both. In the end, Helen looked intently and i could see God stirring in her something. My friend Wendy was already in goose bumps and really showed true enjoyment in hearing the story. Helen on the other hand told me how she hears a lot of these stories- but its not hers and she does not feel personal or passionate about it. However, God wanted me to tell her that Helen will have her own story and He is already writing it now and it will be something extraordinary and only designed for Helen. we all have our own stories and how God showed us His existance and love. Anyways- praise God!!!!!! He brings people to hear His story! I just need to pray more for these two women!
Anyways- that was a lot! :) but i wanted to jot it down before i forgot!!!
Praise God- this sorta stuff makes me so hyper! :)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Love...what a marvelous thing
Today I watched a film called "The Holiday". I was trying to avoid watching lovey dovey chick flicks- so i watched hardcore movies such as Blood Diamond...etc. But, wow- i absolutely loved the movie. If you haven't seen it, please go see it! it really speaks to the heart. There were plenty of shedding tears part...i mean, come on, i cry to anything.
Another good book to read is "The Kite Runner"....also made me teary eyed. I spent a whole day sitting in one setting- the book was that good!
Anyways- this is dedicated to you out there...this poem from E.E Cummings from the movie "In Her Shoes"
For you
A poem by e.e. Cummings
I carry your heart with me.
I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it.
Anywhere I go, you go, my dear.
And whatever is done by only me...
is your doing, my darling.
I fear no fate...for you are my fate, my sweet.
I want no world, for, beautiful...
you are my world, my true.
Here is the deepest secret no one knows.
Here is the root of the root...
and the bud of the bud...
and the sky of the sky
of a tree called life...
which grows higher than the soul can hope..
.or mind can hide.
It is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart.
I carry it in my heart.
thank you friend for reminding me about this poem today. read the poem with Ennio Morricone's Cinema Paradiso theme :)
Another good book to read is "The Kite Runner"....also made me teary eyed. I spent a whole day sitting in one setting- the book was that good!
Anyways- this is dedicated to you out there...this poem from E.E Cummings from the movie "In Her Shoes"
For you
A poem by e.e. Cummings
I carry your heart with me.
I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it.
Anywhere I go, you go, my dear.
And whatever is done by only me...
is your doing, my darling.
I fear no fate...for you are my fate, my sweet.
I want no world, for, beautiful...
you are my world, my true.
Here is the deepest secret no one knows.
Here is the root of the root...
and the bud of the bud...
and the sky of the sky
of a tree called life...
which grows higher than the soul can hope..
.or mind can hide.
It is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart.
I carry it in my heart.
thank you friend for reminding me about this poem today. read the poem with Ennio Morricone's Cinema Paradiso theme :)
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Here, there, and everywhere.
Today is Sunday and the sky has been pouring rain down like mad. It is weird since the first day I got home it has been nothing but sunny, hot and humid and now the weather has slightly "calmed" down- which is good! hahaha. But then again- I don't really like rain that much. Despite the fact that my name contains "blessed rain"- i still don't really want to associate myself with rain.
It has been a week and half since I came back to Taiwan. A lot of things has happened since then. Some are safe to publish, some are not- but overall, wow- God is faithful. I have moments where I can't help but feel sad that I won't be going to other places this summer. I do have the traveling itch...but I also am very tired of traveling to places- adapting, adjusting, and then leaving. Maybe i'm tired of these short term trips. I want to go longterm. I had a chance to go to Mombasa, Kenya this summer- but i surrendered it. I had a chance to go to Kashmir, India and Kuala Lumper, Malaysia- but also, no. I guess I just wanted one summer NOT raising support and starting to earn money and seek skills to build for my future. not to say that going out to these mission organizations won't teach me- but there are things i can learn without going to places. I got an interview with Safe Horizons in New York as a relief case manager for teenagers that suffer through substance abuse and prostitution. I hope to get that job because i for sure can see that as an extreme learning experience for me. Also- since i've been to new york- i haven't felt at home yet- so i look forward to really dig deep with my church in new york and once and for all- decide and start serving/growing with the church. I never really got to enjoy new york city when i was there....it was always internship, school, and homework and sometimes some fun with others....but now, when i go back- i will get the chance to experience the city.
but i don't know why- i can't help but think...i blew away a chance to go to all these amazing places....
amazing things has happened since i came back to Taiwan though.... i must say....i need to continuously ask God to reveal His plan for me.
It has been a week and half since I came back to Taiwan. A lot of things has happened since then. Some are safe to publish, some are not- but overall, wow- God is faithful. I have moments where I can't help but feel sad that I won't be going to other places this summer. I do have the traveling itch...but I also am very tired of traveling to places- adapting, adjusting, and then leaving. Maybe i'm tired of these short term trips. I want to go longterm. I had a chance to go to Mombasa, Kenya this summer- but i surrendered it. I had a chance to go to Kashmir, India and Kuala Lumper, Malaysia- but also, no. I guess I just wanted one summer NOT raising support and starting to earn money and seek skills to build for my future. not to say that going out to these mission organizations won't teach me- but there are things i can learn without going to places. I got an interview with Safe Horizons in New York as a relief case manager for teenagers that suffer through substance abuse and prostitution. I hope to get that job because i for sure can see that as an extreme learning experience for me. Also- since i've been to new york- i haven't felt at home yet- so i look forward to really dig deep with my church in new york and once and for all- decide and start serving/growing with the church. I never really got to enjoy new york city when i was there....it was always internship, school, and homework and sometimes some fun with others....but now, when i go back- i will get the chance to experience the city.
but i don't know why- i can't help but think...i blew away a chance to go to all these amazing places....
amazing things has happened since i came back to Taiwan though.... i must say....i need to continuously ask God to reveal His plan for me.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Listen.
Today's song- "Listen" by Beyonce (OST of Dream Girls)
Dreamgirls - Listen Lyrics
Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can't complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release
Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....
[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
Sooo long ago
Ohh I'm free now and my dreams 'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...
[Chorus]
I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....
If you won't....
LISTEN!!!...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete
Oh,
Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my own...
It really is a beautiful song. Beyonce has an amazing voice. I got watch Dream Girls before i left new york and was really impressed by the movie. i think i'm just overall a bit sick of chick flicks...i'm all about motivation, action, and most of inspirational movies. If you have not seen the movie yet- go see it. boys and girls- both!
Today i was last minute called to sub for a level three preschool class- i was scared for a bit in the beginning, but the students turned out to be so cute and so well behaved. its so weird having an english conversation with these kids as their native languages are all Chinese. they are all so cute. most of all- it makes me so happy to be able to see my old kids from last year- they still get really excited and scream "teacher Jalin!!" they have all grown so much and they all speak fluent English now :)
Dreamgirls - Listen Lyrics
Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can't complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release
Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....
[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
Sooo long ago
Ohh I'm free now and my dreams 'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...
[Chorus]
I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....
If you won't....
LISTEN!!!...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete
Oh,
Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my own...
It really is a beautiful song. Beyonce has an amazing voice. I got watch Dream Girls before i left new york and was really impressed by the movie. i think i'm just overall a bit sick of chick flicks...i'm all about motivation, action, and most of inspirational movies. If you have not seen the movie yet- go see it. boys and girls- both!
Today i was last minute called to sub for a level three preschool class- i was scared for a bit in the beginning, but the students turned out to be so cute and so well behaved. its so weird having an english conversation with these kids as their native languages are all Chinese. they are all so cute. most of all- it makes me so happy to be able to see my old kids from last year- they still get really excited and scream "teacher Jalin!!" they have all grown so much and they all speak fluent English now :)
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Consuming Fire
Today's inspirational song- "Consuming Fire" by Tim Hughes
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray
Chorus:
Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have ur way
Lord have ur way
with us
Verse 2:
Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall
Just like the lyrics said, "there must be more then this"- just like the before i knew that God existed, i believe that there must be more then this dried up life....just like i knew when i was in China that there must be more then this- I want more. I forgotten about it and God seriously sent my dear sister Mingsha to remind me of His love and His beyond our understanding grace. I realized that I am dried up all throughout. Life has been great in New York, but "there must be more then this"
God, I ask for brokenness. I ask for brokenness and an open heart to see you.
God, I ask for consistency in prayer, quiet time, seeking your will. I need to trust that your will is way much better then my will and your will is perfect.
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray
Chorus:
Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have ur way
Lord have ur way
with us
Verse 2:
Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall
Just like the lyrics said, "there must be more then this"- just like the before i knew that God existed, i believe that there must be more then this dried up life....just like i knew when i was in China that there must be more then this- I want more. I forgotten about it and God seriously sent my dear sister Mingsha to remind me of His love and His beyond our understanding grace. I realized that I am dried up all throughout. Life has been great in New York, but "there must be more then this"
God, I ask for brokenness. I ask for brokenness and an open heart to see you.
God, I ask for consistency in prayer, quiet time, seeking your will. I need to trust that your will is way much better then my will and your will is perfect.
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